3 Short Paragraphs: Hellboy

2019, Neil Marshall (The Descent) -- download

OK, while I am not in the "hands off my del Toro" boat across the river Styx, I did present a bit of, "But why?" Does Hellboy need to be rebooted? Does Hellboy even really sit in the all-seeing third eye of pop culture anymore? Was there some Hollywood drama going on that denied GdT the chance to his third while offering it to another director? And if so, why not just do the third? And, what about David Harbour instead of Ron Perlman? What was that about? Now, if I was that movie blogger, I would have trolled all the other movie blog sites and did some research into the backstory behind this movie. Also, if I was that guy I would have actually seen the movie in the cinema. But remember, I am that other guy, the post-movie-fan guy but one who still has a vested interest in who he used to be. And a tenacious desire to not drop everything I hold dear.

So, I watched it. Did I hate it? No, not at all. How can I hate a movie where a snark talking, nigh-invulnerable, gun toting demon warrior fights giants, a grugach and kisses Baba Yaga? Seriously, how the fuck could I hate that? And Milla as the evil Blood Queen, unfortunately more than a little bit of a rip-off of the deathless evil witch from The Last Witch Hunter. And Ian McShane as Broom. So much talent attached to this flick! So then, why was it so bloody hum drum???

First, there was Harbour's Hellboy himself, with his perpetually greasy, stringy hair and petulant teenager mentality. It worked when Perlman added that to the character, but was never really part of the actual Mignola character, so why use it if rebooting? The plot seemed scattered, tossing in the best of the monsters from the comics, and set by themselves, these battles / set-pieces were fantastic, but they didn't really lead us from plot point to plot point. And the ending, which seemed to be from an entirely different movie, in tone and scope, was just ... tired? I think that is what I felt from the entire movie (besides the effects people who did a great job with CGI and props) was a lack of energy and heart.