T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 18 - Ghosts of Christmas Always

2022, Rich Newey (A Song for Christmas) -- download/Hallmark

Kent kicked off this year with this one.

The Draw: One, because Kent watched it and his post made me curious, and also because we also watched Spirited (which I am holding for my Leftovers post) and I was interested in doing the comparison. 

HERstory: Katherine (Kate? Kat?) is a Ghost of Christmas Present. She, and her team of Scroogers, have just had another great success with Susan Kraine, a singer of a very popular Xmas song who soured with age. Back in Scrooge Central (is there a name for this agency?), they have a brief moment of downtime, which Kate (Kim Matula, The Bold and the Beautiful) uses to wander around her hometown of Hartford, Connecticut and is actually seen by Peter Baron, before being zooped back to SC.

Their next job, which they get the entire year to prepare for, is Peter Baron, which confuses the glitter out of them, as he is such a nice guy, charitable and generous. But he does have some baggage regarding his father. We also see that Roy, Ghost of Christmas Future (Reginald VelJohnston, omigawd its Al from Die Hard) knows something he is not telling, and even Arlene (Lori Tan Chinn, Awkwafina is Nora from Queens), Ghost of Christmas Past is keeping something from Kate. But this is the gig they have been given.

Peter still remembers Kate, and is not at all bothered by being Scrooged. In fact, he loves the whole genre, with Scrooged being his favourite, but also likes the (terrible, according to Kent) "Carrie Fisher one". He also remembers Kate, from those few minutes meeting a year ago. Kate and Peter have great chemistry, and he even convinces Arlene to allow her to come along on his Past journey. There are Dad Issues, and he really misses his Grampa, who he idolized. In Christmas Present, they are more concerned with flirting and Peter's real life desires (Kate!) than really finding anything to fix, and there is a brief (ewww, David, ewww!) moment where we might think Kate is Peter's grandmother, but with one resolution in mind - that Peter cannot run the business' -- they are zooped back to SC.

Yeah, SC screwed up. It was Peter Robert Baron they were supposed to Scrooge, which makes sense, as Peter's Dad is quite the Scrooge (versatile word!) and we all should have caught on earlier. They need to fix the fuckup, which wasn't theirs, but they don't get the year to prepare. This needs to be done by Xmas this year! Luckily, they usually complete Scrooging by Dec 23, so they have a few days. And since they used up most of the Past Present Future magic on Peter Jr, they will need his help to Scrooge Peter Sr.

Peter Jr is willing and they recruit Susan Kraine, to play at Peter Sr's Xmas party, to sing her famous, absolutely terrible auto-tuned song. Sr responds well, but not to Jr's overtures. So then Arlene decides to take Jr and Kate back into... Kate's past. Waitasec, I thought the magic was all used up? No matter, Peter gets to exactly how much of a wonderful person Kate was, and how she died tragically on Xmas day, and how her death was tied to Peter's family -- she was Peter's grandmother's best friend, and her death inspired her and hubbie to become as charitable as they did. And there was a letter that outlines it all. To be honest, how learning how great Kate was inspires Peter Sr to be a better man is all muddy to me, but its all played out rather well, as it kind of reveals that it was Kate being truly Scrooged all along. Not become a better person, but really understand what she truly wants ... out of her afterlife? Again, kind of a muddy revelation, but rather sweet as all she has to do is walk back through a pair of pearly gatish doors and she is back on Earth to finally connect truly with Peter, and live happily ever after this time.

The Formulae: This one was not about the tropes, and not even really about the Scroogey formula. While Kate does wear a rather fetching red coat through most of the movie, she doesn't do anything else beyond Peter Sr's lame company Xmas party. If anything, the formula of Hallmark comes in the "I just met you but I love you" aspect, which the two actors play out quite convincingly.

Unformulae: Pretty much all of the movie?

True Calling? No, not really. Beyond the lame attempt to connect to A Christmas Carol with the "Ghost of..." reference, there is no "always". They could have tried harder.

The Rewind: Yeah, it was just the confirming that Peter did indeed reference the Carrie Fisher movie.

The Regulars: Not a whole lot really, and none that stand out.

How does it Hallmark? If I was to judge this purely from the goal of Hallmark Channel, to present a fun, funny and charming love story, then they did brilliantly. I really felt the connection between Peter and Kate, and they were both people I wanted to see have better lives together.

How does it movie? Better than most Hallmarkies, with real genuine funny bits, but still not likely one that I will watch again. But, spoiler alert, I did enjoy it more than Spirited.

How Does It Snow? I actually didn't pay much attention to how it fit into the story, but there were some gently falling snow scenes where I just was so wrapped up in the moment, I didn't even catch if they were fake or digital. Which is exactly how its supposed to played out !

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar - Day 17: Christmas All Over Again

T&K Go Loopty-Loo: XMas Edition - normally Toasty and I do a "Loopty-loo" as a joint effort, but I'm going to spare him on this one, because it's pretty bad so he's not missing much, and also there's a couple other Christmas Loopty-loos from last year still sitting in draft that he needs to get to ;P

2016, d. Christy Carlson Romano - tubi

 How did the Loop Begin?
15 year-old farthead Eddie is eagerly anticipating getting a pair of "Breezy 3000" shoes so when Christmas is delayed by a day because his brother's getting married (on Christmas, in the house), all the worst aspects of Eddie comes out.  After being a total farthead to everyone around him (including his best friend) he comes across a tiny little store with the shoes displayed in the tiny little window (I would like to know where this place is that has stores open on Christmas).  Going inside, he meets Joey Lawrence and, as we all know, JoLaw is magic (amIright?), so JoLaw draws an infinity sign in the air and makes this little farthead's Christmas day repeat over and over again until (including being woken up by his dog farting on his head), well, he's not such a farthead anymore.

What was the main character's first reaction to the Loop?
It's the usual: a small bit of confusion.  But points to fartheddie it takes him all of about 45 minutes (in-world time, only like 2 minutes actual screen time) to figure out that the day is repeating itself.  Then he think's it's kind of cool.  

WHY did the main character get put into the Loop? Can someone else be brought into the Loop?
Because he covets shoes instead of the true spirit of Christmas, you know family and giving.  Fartheddie isn't really concerned about anyone but himself so there's no opportunity for him to bring anyone into the Loop.  

How long is this time Loop? What resets it? Can you force the reset?
The Loop lasts for Christmas Day.  It resets when fartheddie goes to sleep...or whenever someone punches him in the face, and he gets punched in the face three times.  Just one punch.... Now, that one punch either knocks him unconscious for 24 hours or kills him.  Either way, the day resets when he regains consciousness. fartheddie can't take a hit.

How long does the main character stay in the Loop? Does it have any affect on them, their personality, their outlook?
There are, at most 12 loops that fartheddie takes (you can read more about them after the break...I took notes).  At first he loves that there's no consequences to his actions and that he can tell what's going to happen, but the novelty quickly wears off and fartheddie is bored.  I think, seriously, that he has ADHD, and, seriously, I think this is kind of a good representation of ADHD...except that they present it as "Eddie's acting out because his mom died a few years ago" which is not the problem.  Once he starts overhearing things he doesn't want to hear, like his brother and future sister in law criticizing him to each other, he just wants life to move on.  It's this desire to leave the loop that gets him thinking about what it is that it would take, and what it takes is him actually willing himself to change, to stop thinking of himself first, which takes all of three loops.  Have this to say about Eddie, he's a quick learner.  It's pretty common that ADHD kids are pretty smart, just they can't settle down enough to apply themselves and show their smarts off.

What about the other people in the Loop? Are they aware? Can they become aware?  Does anything happen if they become aware?
Fartheddie fills his best buddy Taz in on the Loop and Taz doesn't quite buy into it, but Taz seems pretty used to going with the flow with fartheddie.  For the first couple loops, Eddie ropes Taz into his various capers, like cherry bombing the swans, "waterskiing" with a hoverboard strapped to the back of a golf cart, and stealing running shoes, and Taz is pretty pissed each time they get caught (mostly because Eddie abandons him, white boy fartheddie leaving the black jewish kid holding the bag).  But nobody else even remotely comes to understand the loop.

What does the main character think about the other people in the Loop? Are they real? Do they matter?
In as far as fartheddie thinks about anyone but himself, it actually doesn't take long for him to start considering other people in his life a little differently, seeing different sides of them in the same day.  Since he can't just keep doing the same thing over and over again, he moves around and this exposes him to different conversations and opportunities to understand people a little differently.  So he starts to see the girl he has a crush on as something more than just a crush, that the woman his brother is marrying is someone actually trying to understand and befriend him, and that he's been a pretty fartheaded friend to his best friend and his brother. 

Most memorable event in a Loop? Most surprising event during a Loop?
I think fartheddie cherry bombing the swans was particularly surprising in its awfulness, but the most surprising was on loop 10 when fartheddie overhears his brother and future sister-in-law talking about him calling him "selfish" and "immature".  Then he delivers a selfish and immature best man speech calling them out for calling him selfish and immature, basically proving their point.  Such a farthead that fartheddie

How does this stack up in the subgenre?

Terrible.  It doesn't understand how to set up the time loop in a way that has big event moments that signify its a time loop (it's mainly little things that might seem like bigger things to Eddie).  But there's no obfuscation of the fact that it's a loop.  And then each loop in the story just sort of glosses over BIG events of the day (the most of the loops that just skip the wedding ceremony and party altogether, which is at times an extremely egregious omission) not to mention not covering any of the fallout of fartheddie ruining the wedding day by getting arrested twice or by being knocked unconscious three times. 
Not only that, but there's a few continuity gaffes between the loops (such as fartheddie saying he only has 2 dollars and change to pay the girls for their hot chocolate (after stealing it loop after loop), but then is able to pay for three people's gigerbread pancake breakfasts? 

The acting is not godawful like I was expecting, the main cast all seem to have a good deal of credits so it's like Hallmark or Disney Channel tween show acting here, but it all feels rushed and rarely to the best of anyone's abilities (it's probably the affliction of being a low budget production).  Surprisingly JoLaw is the most easy, natural, and engaging presence in the film, but he's got only about 4 minutes of screentime.

The production values are also very low-budget.  It opens with a montage of wintery scene stock footage but then when it start to introduce actual environments from the movies it looks very much like springtime with new leaves blooming and people not in winter gear in the background and cotton batting sparsely scattered on things.  Curiously enough there's a "snowhill" that they made, a pretty good stretch of a hill for a snowball fight and sliding, but it's just a weird oasis of snow surrounded by brown trees and ground with no snow.  It's a bizarre sight to be sure.

It's not entirely unwatchable, but it's hardly good, and of all the time-loops we've watched here at T&KSD, this is probably the worst

[Full synopsis after the break]

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 16 - Lights, Camera, Christmas!

2022, David Weaver (A Christmas to Remember) - Hallmark / Download

The Draw: Speaking of low effort, this one was watched primarily because it fit one of my moulds of curiosity, the meta one, which was generated because I thought I was brilliant in wanting to write a Hallmarkie that was about two people meeting on the set of a Hallmarkie, but yeah, that's already a thing. Many times over.  That said, if I was do mine, it would have to be shot in Canada, and set in Canada, in one of those standard Canadian cities where these are always shot, like Vancouver, or Winnipeg or Sault Ste-Marie. The standard set of Canadian supporting actors would walk into, and off scenes as themselves more than as proper characters in the movie. Meanwhile, this one was so keen on showing us the movie that was being made, a holiday romcom called "My Favourite Santa", that I think it pushed the characters to the background.

HERstory: Kerry's (Kimberly Sustad, The Nine Lives of Christmas) clothing store in the PST of Twelve Oaks, Colorado, is swimming in debt, and likely she will have to close by the new year. Meanwhile, a Hallmarkie production is in town to shoot "My Favourite Santa" starring Brad Baxter (John Brotherton, Fuller House), the King of Christmas -- a hammy, square jawed actor known for his holiday romcoms. Kerry is not impressed by Brad. But as plots have it, Kerry is drawn to the production when their costumer backs out for a Matt Damon movie. First they buy out her store (cough rent cough) and second, they ask her to come on set to be the costumer. Thus she gets stuck having to deal with Brad's smarmy square jaw, and that fucking painted on goatee. You see, in the movie (within the movie), Brad is Nick/Santa, and when in character, they paint some white on, to ... give the impression of a white beard? I was not sure if it was a self-effacing reference to low effort costuming in Hallmarkies or just a non-ironic terrible choice. Considering the low effort of the rest of this movie, I am going with the latter.

To be honest, I was bored and nodding off throughout most of the movie. Sustad, as Kerry, is a professional Hallmarkie actor and she was the only thing that kept me going. I was just not buying Kerry's attraction to Brad, and I am not sure the script was either, as it kept on redirecting to the secondary story line where the film's two producers (a divorced couple) are constantly bickering, but eventually see through their differences to reconcile. And the other plot element is that, since her store will still likely have to close (after the production abuses her returns policy), she is taking the confidence afforded her by how much the production loves her work, and applying to be a Big Designer in New Yorky ! Buuuuuut Brad is thinking about taking a movie offer in the UK, one outside his usual Holiday romcom fare, and asks Kerry to join him, as that movie's costumer. So, she turns down the offered designer job (WTF Kerry!?!) to join Brad, only to find out he turned down the film, as he wasn't ready to try a more serious role, which in turn scuttles her costumer job. She's hurt, they break up.

The other thing about this movie, is that most of it is done as flashbacks during the premiere of "My Favorite Santa" where we can see the palpable tension between Brad and Kerry. That said, this is a Hallmarkie so at the end, during the gala party for the movie, Brad apologizes profusely, realizing how much of an ass he was, and Kerry basically does a, "You had me at Hello" and they kiss and they live happily ever after.

Final scene; cringey wink from Kerry mocking Brad's signature holiday romcom wink.

The Formulae: Being all meta like, this movie surprisingly only touches on a few of the hallmarks (pun intended) of holiday romcom tropes. Of course, we are taking place in a PST, one Twelve Oaks, Colorado. We have a business that is in need of saving. We have a tree lighting ceremony! We have decorating! We have mugs held by two hands, and probably some hot coffee or hot chocolate in them. We have the aforementioned "sacrificing of career goals for love", which always annoys me. 

Unformulae: Given that the movie wants to be on the set of the other movie as much as possible, we disappointingly don't get as many of Twelve Oaks Xmas-y moments as I would have liked. But the primary break from norms is that Kerry is the PST native, and Brad is from The Big City, a Big City we never even visit, and all his incentives for coming to said PST are totally legit; no being trapped here by work or snow storms or single roads into town. One the most lacking elements was a lacking of a Santa Clause. I didn't want to include the character Brad is playing the movie, despite that being the key plot of that movie. 

True Calling? Yeah yeah, pun on Hollywood blah blah blah.

The Rewind: Honestly, it was the chuckle at seeing one of the outfits worn by Toronto's "Fashion Santa" used as a key plot element of the movie, wherein Kerry is asked to modernize Nick's Santa outfit and gets rave reviews for ripping off Fashion Santa. I almost wished they had gone full on ripping-off of Paul Mason's look, and given Brad a giant fake beard and white white hair, instead of seeing him constantly wiping off beard-white-ner.

The Regulars: Sustad; she's the real Queen of Christmas! I honestly, truly enjoy how she plays her characters, and will have to add in a few more of hers into this season before we finish. Surprisingly, Brotherton has done fewer than I expected he had, even less than the character he plays. And as I find myself repeating the phrase "has done a few" as this is pretty much the usual answer. So, from now on, I will only mention those actors that stand out enough to warrant being mentioned. For example, Laura Soltis, who plays Kerry's holiday romcom loving mom, has been in OH... SO... MANY... of these !

How does it Hallmark? Somewhat? In that it was a meta movie, it kind of sacrificed some of its own Hallmarkie charm for the fake movie being shot. And what was left, kind of left me .... nodding off and bored.

How does it movie? Rare will be the instance where I comment on something about the movie that allowed me to enjoy it above the somewhat-ironic somewhat-not-ironic enjoyment I get from these movies.

How Does It Snow? Big swaths of cotton batting snow laid out in the background of the painfully obvious backlot setting this movie was shot in. It soooo lacked any Colorado mountain snow aesthetic.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar: Day 15 - Scrooge

 1970, d. Ronald Neame - Hollywood Suite

A Christmas Carol is such well-mined territory, and in 45 years of life I've seen countless interpretations of it such that sitting down for even this highly recommended 1970s, musical interpretation of it seemed an arduous task. The songs don't carry the plot forward so much as extend the scenes to a "get on with it" length.  I mean, we all know where this is going after all, let's just get there and get this over with, shall we?

But something happens by the time the ghost of Jacob Marley shows up, the production reveals itself to be an exquisitely detailed (not lavish, because it still feels dirty and grimy like coal burning London of 1870) and rather inspired production, with Albert Finney's hunched and snarled Scrooge somehow feeling both cartoonish and grounded in real emotion. When Alec Guinness' Marley shows up, the film works itself out with a brilliant mix of practical and visual effects trickery that seem huge for a sci-fi or fantasy movie of the era, nevermind a 1970s Christmas musical (but then musicals were the superhero movies of the 60's, bloated and expensive).

So while I still wish the film were maybe a half hour shorter, I adore the production of it...it is the most wondrous of the Christmas Carols without feeling too overblown. It balances its fantastical with reality masterfully. By the end, Scrooge's turn feels earned (not sudden, or against character like so many other interpretations and derivatives) and it is so rewarding. Heck, I even didn't mind the songs... maybe I even liked a few. No humbugs here.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 14 - A Christmas to Remember

2016, David Weaver (Lights, Camera, Christmas!) -- Amazon

The Draw: Mira Sorvino, and I wanted to harken back to a time before I believe the irony-watching was happening, before the streaming services were trying to cash in on the ironic-not-ironic watching, before the Hallmark Bingo games, etc. When Hallmarkies were sincerely, as in I mean unironically, lacking? In other words, without going too deeply into the analysis (I am just not ready to fully sink into thinking about that), when Hallmarkies were just what they were: cheaply done, schmaltzy, trope-laden, generally badly acted and directed, and yet, were entirely fine with that. None of this elevated, trying to be real movies of late.

HERstory: In first presentation, Jennifer Wade (Mira Sorvino, The Replacement Killer) is the Marilyn Dennis of her network, a rather overwrought lifestyle TV show host freaking out about the colour of her shirt, the styling of the tree and the perfect presentation for her Xmas special. While I was also aghast at someone tripping and dropping the Xmas turkey, that roast beast was by no means a perfect presentation turkey, so it didn't dawn on me that she was supposed to be a "TV chef" ala Martha Stewart, but... whatever.

Anywayz, her show has a chance at "going national" (aren't they always) but the stress is getting to her so she needs to get away for Xmas. No New Yorky typical party to party Xmas, just some time away for herself. Her manager/friend Paula (Brenda Crichlow, Christmas at the Chateau) offers her a chalet in ... Aspen (I don't recall, but somewhere ... rural wintry) with a spa nearby. Jennifer makes the mistake of saying no to the 4x4 rental and her sporty little car veers off the road in a blizzard. She crawls back up to the road, and is almost hit by vet John (Cameron Mathison, General Hospital), who was returning from a nearby stable visit, where he proved how kind he was by accepting a pie, instead of money. Jennifer climbs into the cab of John's truck, and sits on the pie.

No one thinks that she crashed. No one makes note of where they found her, nor looks for the disturbed snow off the side of the road. No one checks out the car, to collect her belongings, or maybe ID and a coat? Nope, John just sits on a pie and drives her home to his... well, his fucking mansion in the mountains. I forgot how opulence was such a part of a certain era of Hallmarkies. Everyone is so fucking rich! His house, with a driveway he seems to refuse to plow, is massive and that kitchen!!! 

Anywayz, the blizzard is coming down hard, and they barely get home before everything is snowed in. John the Vet patches her boo boo up and she sleeps off the head injury, because everyone knows that is what you are supposed to do. The next morning Jennifer reveals she has no idea who she is, where she was going, and how she got to standing in the middle of the road, before being seated on a pie. John will have the single doctor come over, along with her husband the Sheriff, once the storm calms down. Of note, Jennifer, who they name Maggie (don't recall why), opens the door seeking escape from the opulence, and the snow is piled shoulder height. Its supposed to be comical, but it is not a snow drift, but boulders of snow piled up high, as if someone had blockaded his door with dead snowmen. Dude, clear your walk -- the doctor is coming!

So, her head injury is not bad, but her memory may take some time to come back. So Maggie will now just spend some time hanging out with John and his three kids, while the Sheriff posts up "do you know this lady" posters, cuz that's how Sheriff identify people with amnesia, and NOBODY has any idea where her car might be because John doesn't tell anyone that he was coming back from a certain stable on a certain road, at a certain bend in the road. 

Back in New Yorky, Paula is calling Jennifer but getting no answers.

Oh, I should mention, John had a disastrous date in an obvious high end resto (might be a homey PST, but all the restos are super high end looking) with an old high school friend, and she tries to feed him tofu. All good men from mountainous PSTs eat red meat and burgers and dagwood style sandwiches! But we have a rival for Maggie's potential affections!

John's kids love Maggie, not just because she can cook (John only makes Beef Stroganoff) but because everything has been lacking since the Dead Mom situation. So, with Maggie around, and her Martha Stewart / Marilyn Dennis lifestyle vibe, she and the kids decorate the house providing all the Xmas Spirit a family of five could need !

Paula is still calling.

Despite the should high snow balls, despite the road blocking blizzard, despite the Sherriff and wife arriving on snowmobile, by pretty much the second day, John and Maggie are in town, seeing the terrible, un-useful "do you know this woman?" posters, aggravating the potential rival and learning about each other. Maggie has a "I like mittens" scene which made me snort in memory of Parts: The Clonus Story. Google it.

John still hasn't plowed his driveway, because manly men with manly 4x4s don't need to.

Oh, there is a winter dance event fair something coming up, and Maggie needs a dress! Dead Mom's parents provide her with the perfect green dress. Attentive people will remember Jennifer Wade hates green, but Maggie seems fine with it. At the dance, Paula and Jennifer's BF (BF !?!?! I thought he was just background network exec guy; Steve Bacic, Andromeda) show up, because Romantic Rival has finally recognized Jennifer/Maggie and called them, but hasn't told anyone, because of some intricately detailed plan to ... reveal during the dance and win John's affections? Who knows, Romantic Rival seems nice and all, but  a tofu eating woman's (shudder) gotta do what a tofu eating woman's gotta do! Deputy Whoever has also finally found Jennifer's car, and her ID, proving that Paul and Network Exec/BF are not nefarious kidnappers, and Jennifer really is who they say she is, which is confirmed by instant memory return, so not sure of point of his reveal. Maggie is confirmed as Jennifer and whisked off to the chalet/spa she was supposed to be at all along. 

But she doesn't want to be there, dumps Network Exec/BF and runs back to kiss John and hug her instant family.

The Formulae: Dead Mom ! John's wife passed away not so long ago leaving John with his three kids, and a little lost amidst his massive fortune. PST ! The town of ... oh, I just didn't pay attention, but it was probably in Colorado or Oregon which are the typical states for wintry mountains. Oh, and the Big City was New York(y) with an incredible stock footage opening scene! There is an Xmas Dance of sorts, where everything comes to a climax. There is baking, as Maggie uses muscle memory to show everyone how good she is. And despite being a career driven Big City Gal, once presented with her instant family, Jennifer choses to move back to PST, Colorado and shoot her show from there. But this is weird, as despite being Classic Hallmarkie, I am struggling to remember the tropes that stood out to me.

Unformulae: Meanwhile, the green dress is still ticking me off. 

True Calling? Christmas to REMEMBER; a pun! Get it? Snort. No not really, more like a weak groan.

The Rewind: Yeah, that second turkey after The Great Turkey Disaster that starts the movie, is not done. So much for being TV Chef.

The Regulars: Sorvino no, but male lead Mathison was in a ton of Hallmarkies before and AFTER this one. He did seem to be doing it rather effortlessly but I blame the lack of chemistry between the two on Sorvino; she just acts out of place in the movie, and not from the plot. Crichlow is also in quite a few.  Kevin McNulty, who played incidental character Dan (didn't really see the point of the character, other than to have John have another male to talk to about Maggie) is one of those stable Canadian faces I mentioned in other posts, always just a bit more solid than the stable of Hallmarkie standard actors. Speaking of incidental characters + Canadian face, during a dance scene, I saw an older actor dancing with Maggie in the background of the dance segment, and he is just one of those Canadian faces that you see everywhere, but cannot name, so much in this instance he is not in the credits. I need to create an IMDB List of such Canadian actors.

How does it Hallmark? What grading system can we use for this, as we inundate ourselves more and more with the Hallmarkies? Sometimes a movie just has so many tropes piled one atop another, its obvious, but that's not always the case. Maybe Low Effort? Derisively, you might say "low effort" is the (cough) hallmark of these movies, and if so, this is a shining example. Most of the characters are phoned home, especially Sorvino's. McNulty, while solid, seemed to be there only for the stroganoff, which he can be seen eating leftovers even after the plot of the movie has left this dish behind. The romance needs to be solid, and the chemistry on fire; it's not. At one point, I wondered if the only reason John began to have feelings for Maggie is because there was a woman in his house. So, I guess I am coming to a roundabout way of saying, "No." Despite being an early example from what I envision The Prime Years of Hallmark, this is one is not a success.

How does it movie? Gawds no, which might become my standard response.

How Does It Snow? This one is weird. There is obviously large amounts of snow used for scenes, as they couldn't get away when depicting a mountain town just after a blizzard. But, even so, everything was pretty much magically cleared by the time we were doing key "walk around" scenes. I am thinking that likely most of the realistic snow shots are stock footage, while any rest, they shipped some in from a local skating rink?

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar: Day 13 - Hot Mess Holiday

 2021, d. Jaffar Mahmood - Crave

I don't even recall how I came across Hot Mess Holiday.  I think I was looking up Titus Burgess on the Imdibs where I saw this listed in his acting credits and made note of it for the Advent Calendar based on name alone.  I didn't read any further about it.  So I didn't know that the titular holiday was Diwali, nor did I know this was an MTV Studios production.  I'm not saying that either of those would have changed my mind about watching it... quite the contrary. Had I known that I probably would have watched it sooner.  

At 70 minutes it's almost more of a "special" than a movie, and it's opening five minutes presents us with our leads in a way that both introduces us to them but also implies familiarity.  Somewhere I read that it was "based on the hit web series" (or something to that effect) but in looking for said "web series" all I could find was stars Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal's Surina and Mel, a self-financed series "pilot" that I couldn't actually find a copy of online to watch.

The movie opens with "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" playing over (stock?) aerial footage of Chicago, which would feel very Hallmarkie if not for the fact that it's Christina Aguilera's version of the song which means $ that Hallmarkies just don't spend.  But it's 10 seconds of the song before a record scratch and smash cut to the Indo-American Center where a Diwali market (is market the right term, as it seems a part of the celebration? I admit my ignorance and apologize for it) is happening and where our lead characters (and a few of our peripheral players) collide.  We meet Melanie (pronounced May-lah-nee, thanks) and her best friend Surina, the former who is so excited her fiancee Rishi is about to return after a month-long business trip, and the latter who is sad about it since she was happy to have her friend back full time for a month.  They run into a judgmental auntie before meeting up with posh, super-rich Sheila (Punam Patel, I Love That For You) who seems oblivious about her own culture (Melanie helpfully explains Diwali to Sheila...and, well, me - "the festival of lights? It's where you buy something precious as a token to the goddess Lakshmi." "Honey, you had me at 'buy something'.")  

When Rishi shows up it's clear something's amiss and it all comes out during a very public dandiya stick dance.  Rishi admits to being in love with someone else and having an affair and Melanie attacks him with sticks, which obviously is recorded and goes viral.  She becomes "Stick Girl" among the masses.  Obviously the public break-up reaches her woke boss who forces her into a leave of absence.  So she connects with Surina and their friend Sanjay who's been pining after Melanie forever (Mel is oblivious, but Surina is not).  Surina goads Mel into a "weekend social banger extravaganza", starting with Sheila's party.  There Melanie chats with Kal Penn (bartending, "to prep for a role") and Titus Burgess (not prepping for a role) before meeting a handsome Aussie who is in the midst of a big blood diamond exchange.  But the exchange goes bad and Melanie and friends get embroiled in a missing diamond plot.

It's a bizarre turn I wasn't expecting 20 minutes in, as I was expecting, given the set-up, more of a Hallmarkie parody, but it's not a bad surprise.  The energy of the film really picks up and it provides a vehicle for exploring Mel and Surina's friendship, especially since Mel has arranged a meet-up with Rishi amidst all of this, and Surina does not approve.  Meanwhile Sheila takes Sanjay under her wing to teach him confidence.  It's sort of a Date Night/Game Night/bazillion other comedies plot where average people get entwined in increasingly bizarre/dangerous comedic situations but here it's centred around the friendship of first generation Indo-Americans during the holiday season.  

The actual "crime" plot is thin and pointedly unrealistic, but it works just fine as a comedy vehicle, especially since Shiela's ex-husband is the crime boss at the head of this all (played by Chris Greer, You're the Worst).  The relationship between Mel and Surina is the driving force  and Chandra and Jindal's real life friendship obviously the backbone of their on-screen friendship.  The love between them is palpable.  They're a very fun, very attractive pair, that I immediately wanted to spend more time with (thus searching out Surina & Mel and being disappointed not finding much).  Sheila, though, is the not-so-secret weapon of the production, an absolute joke machine... the extremes of her very wealthy life lead to the most unexpected things coming out of her mouth, a mix of privilege and obliviousness.

Through it all, the production roams the streets of Chicago, which by comparison makes it more expensive looking than 99% of the other holiday movie productions.  The city is decorated with lights and festive adornments, so even though it's not a Christmas production, it still feels very festive, both in Xmas and Diwali decor. Director Mahmood is a single-camera sitcom veteran, so he nails every comedic beat,  and he effectively steps out of sitcom mode into a larger, more adventuresome production. 

It's not perfect, but I quite loved it, and I want more of this gang of players.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 12 - My Southern Family Christmas

2022, Emily Moss William (Christmas in Louisiana) -- Hallmark/Download

The Draw: Bruce Campbell? Maybe the bayou? No, really just Bruce Campbell.

HERstory: Campbell (Jaicy Elliot, Grey's Anatomy) Wallace (not Bruce) lives in The Big City (well, medium? I don't think Dallas is a real Big City) for an airline magazine, so she spends her life travelling around writing about stuff. And one such stuff is Xmas traditions around the world. They are trying to find the perfect pitch for this year's, and she accidentally shares her screen full of details about her "real Dad". Years ago, her father left and she has always wondered why. Now he has a new life in small town Louisiana, and is about to be named the Père Noël, basically Santa of the Bayou. Her research on her father is confused as the pitch and suddenly she is on a plane to Louisiana.

Its very apparent this movie is going to be about Campbell reuniting with her birth father, Everett Bergeron (Bruce Campbell, Burn Notice), and not focused on the traditional meet-cute of Hallmarkies. His new wife has been trying to convince Campbell to meet him as he constantly talks about her, and doesn't feel he deserves the honour of being named Père Noël, which is apparently a Big Thing in their town. But you can imagine how challenging that would be, even for an adult, so when she shows they decide to stick with just the cover story.

Campbell is there, effectively researching the new Père Noël but also there researching her Dad. If it wasn't for his own wife supporting the charade, this would be kind of creepy, especially as she ingratiates herself with his two daughters, and his life as the famous local baker of "Louisiana (Hand) Pies". I have only heard of the hand pies, or natchitoches -- basically a Cajun empanada -- recently on the show A Chef's Life with Vivian Howard, but honestly was expecting tourtière for this movie. But also learns he is popular for being a should for troubled folk to lean on, as he is known to have a rough go at it in past, that being from Campbell's birth and his leaving.

But she does eventually also do a rather hands off meet cute with the local town archives keeper Jackson (Ryan Rottman, Gigantic) but the movie sacrifices all the usual dominating romance elements to focus on the relationship being built between Bergeron and Campbell. That said, it does have a lot of fun mixing Xmas into all of this, and Xmas in the Bayou (which I believe, has already had a few Hallmarkies made of it) is illuminating.

Eventually things are coming to a head, Xmas is almost upon them, Bergeron has grudgingly accepted the role as Père Noël and Campbell is feeling even more out of sorts keeping her true identity from him. Especially when Jackson figures everything out AND local news agencies heap attention on Bergeron and his local family. Despite some pretty sublime moments as a pseudo-family, its all too much for her and she runs off.

But no, the next morning, Jackson arrives at Xmas day at the Bergeron's with Campbell in tow, a pile of presents for the family (cute note about there being a local Big Box store open late on Xmas Eve) and something special for Everett. Its a picture of him holding Campbell in his arms when she was a baby (great actual picture of Bruce Campbell as a young man) -- the confession is made, and just when we are about to tear up, Everett gets up and runs off, seemingly overwhelmed by it. Campbell is heart broken, his wife is shocked and they are all about to escape when he returns with a load of letters and notebooks. He has been writing to her all his life, but had no way to actually send  them (didn't know her mom's new address or family name) and eventually switched to writing in a journal, everything he ever wanted to tell her. He is soooooo happy to finally connect with her, and yeah, everyone is balling bawling.

The Formulae : We don't see much of it, such as the typical fly over scene, we do see the bayou and some absolutely lovely houses & buildings in this perfect PST of Sorrento, Louisiana. I love how the "vintage red truck" trope is a Ford pickup from the 80s here, but just as a wink & a nod, there is also a toy sized traditional vintage red truck in the background of one scene. I also like how the "almost kiss" moment is replaced by an "almost confession" moment, when Campbell misses the moment to tell Everett she is his daughter. There is an "Xmas Events" and a dance, and coffee shops, and hot chocolate but its all flavoured with a homey, Louisiana style that not only blows most of the familiar scenes out of the water, but also adds some additional colour to whatever you think life on the Bayou would be like.

Unformulae: Primarily, in that while she does meet a PST guy she likes, the connection being made in the movie is not between them, but between Everett and Campbell.

True Calling? Yeah, it pretty much does, as this one is ENTIRELY about family.

The Feels: OK, I am adding in this one, which is one of the topics from Kent's favourite podcast about Hallmarkies, "Deck the Hallmark". So yeah, since this is a movie about a girl "abandoned" by her birth father, going to Louisiana to meet him, and Everett is her father, the connection being made between him and Campbell is just super sweet. BRUCE Campbell just plays it so low-key and sincere. 

OMG, the letter and notebook scene. I'm not crying, you're crying. Just getting misty thinking about the scene.

The Rewind: It's Louisiana, so the lighted Xmas decorations on the lawn are ALLIGATORS !!! Hee hee hee hee ! 

The Regulars: Bruce has started doing these, which will probably keep me coming back to his. Ryan Rottman, the low key love interest, has done a few. Moira Kelly, who plays Bergeron's wife, has done a few, including another in Louisiana. In the background as Campbell's boss was Hallmarkie staple Wes Brown.

How does it Hallmark? As a trope laden Hallmarkie Xmas story, not so much. But as a movie about The Feels in an easily digested, low key, low budget format, entirely so.

How does it movie? Not bad. Not quite up to the level of "I will watch this one again for Xmas" but I enjoyed that it had more meat (meat pie) on it than most and very little in the way of eye rolling, groaning scenes.

How Does It Snow?  Well, obviously, not at all, so instead of tracking snow, I will comment on the Fake Search Engine -- this time it's Super Search ! I love how all the fake search engines in these movies are more versions of AltaVista than Google.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar: Day 11 - A Royal Corgi Christmas

 A Toast to HallmarKent
2022, d. Clare Niederpruem - Hallmark

The Draw: Corgis!

That's not even the dog that played Mistletoe
Mistletoe was a Cardigan and that's a Pembroke

HERstory: The Isle of Comfrey, where "playboy" Edmund, the estranged prince, bought his mom the queen *another* corgi for Christmas. Well, actually he won him in a poker game.  He's an untrained, year old pup, so good thing the family have that "corgi wrangler".  Oh, but that posh twit Carrington is a "Royal Corgi Handler...corgis with bloodlines that go as far back as your own.  At a year old the dog is unable to be trained, at least by Royal standards," he snootily remarks.  (The corgi wrangler is also snogging the princess on the side and he has an inferiority complex about it).  At a really, really sad press junket the Queen is holding for the purpose of - unbeknownst to Prince Edmund-- announcing his ascension to King, "Mistletoe" (what he named the Corgi) runs amok and hauls the runner off the buffet, knocking all the food to the floor (why was there food there anyway? Are press conferences typically catered with ham?), and the video of it becomes a viral internet sensation.

Across the pond, Cecily (Hunter King, Nailed It!) is a dog trainer and author (a book on dog training called "DOG-MA: How to parent your pup") promoting her book on a talk show.  It's implied that she recently went through a break up (a story point given very little weight but is meant to be a big emotional underpinning of Cecily's character). Her gay bff and/or press agent (oh, manager...) is a royal watcher, and sees "Mistletoe" as a big opportunity for Cecily to promote her... training?  (Oh, wait, it's to promote her "Rover Rehab" charity where they train and socialize adult dogs).  But from Edmund's perspective, if he can turn his corgi around then he maybe will prove himself King-worthy to mumsy (don't ask me how this plan makes any sense).

Arriving at the "castle" (the ugliest castle I've ever seen, which just may be a superimposed cardboard cut out in wide shots)  Cecily is brought to Mistletoe who's barking away while Edmund's fencing trainer is clearly letting him win because that was some shitty fencing, even from my untrained eye.  Cecily's first encounter with Edmund is basically "oh good, you're here, fix my dog, don't talk to me. C-Ya!"  Cecily's like "But this is your dog, you have to be part of it"... but he's already gone.

Cecily meets Carrington, the Royal Corgi Handler, who snootily shits all over Cecily "the youtube trainer" to her face and ah-ah-ah's her attempt to pet the royal corgis Juniper and Holly. Cecily explains to the family that she doesn't train dogs, she trains people to train dogs, and Edmund's like "Not me" and she's like "Yeah you" and he's like "Nuh uh" and she's like "Yuh huh, or I'm Audi five thousey.  Tah-tah."  The Queen's impressed.

First session of dog training proves that Edmund doesn't know shit about dogs.  It's reiterated over, and over, and over again that Edmund hasn't spent much time in Comfrey for the past decade, but he needs to become reacquainted with his country and people if he's to be king... "the least qualified monarch ever" he calls himself. Cecily has ideas on how he can endear himself to his people (and it sounds something like holding a charity event for Plover Plehab).  According to the princess (earlier in the film), talking to Carrington, Edmund already has a complex about people using him for his title or his money... I'm sure that's not going to come up again.  

Out on the streets with Cecily and Mistletoe, Edmund starts to meet and greet the people, including a little orphan boy name "Pee-tah" who just loves Mistletoe.  Edmund takes inspiration and delivers Christmas presents to the orphanage, and then plays some basketball with the kids.  It's weird.  Later Edmund asks Cecily to dinner...not a date, just going to dinner and having a nice time.  But dinner was reserved under the prince's name, so the paparazzo will be swarming.  So instead the prince and Cecily go to the kitchen and make "Comfrey Pie" and talk about Churro, the dog she lost after a breakup (no lament over the relationship), and then they dance. But oh no, the pie starts burning after 4 minutes.  Um, how hot is that oven? 

A corgi derby, with betting for charity. A Christmas ball.  An invitation to the Christmas ball.  Awkward feelings abound. Scheming and plotting from the Royal Corgi Handler whom we suspected all along would be scheming an plotting.  The misunderstanding (sigh).  The Queen retiring (at, like, what? 60?) and announcing a new... queen(not Edmund!). A reconciliation. Corgis corgis corgis. This is a bad, bad, bad, bad, movie

The Formulae: Baking time (not a montage though). Fake traditions - the Legendary Wishing Tree of Comfrey, where the royal family (and guests) tie a ribbon around the tree's branches (congrats to the set decorators for actually weathering some, but not enough, of the ribbons already on the tree).  Hot Chocolate (for the Queen).  A ball.  The blue dress. The bullshit misunderstanding where the dude gets all in a snit because he he's given a piece of information about the girl which completely changes his mind about her, because Hallmark people never understand how to put things into context.

Unformulae: There have been pet-based Hallmarkies, and Prince-based Hallmarkies...but has there ever been a pet-based, Prince-base Hallmarkie?  Probably. With the exception of someone using the words "corgi wrangler", there's nothing unformulaic about this.  Everything is predictable and completely telegraphed.  

True Calling? I guess there are royal Corgis, and it's Christmas, but the "Christmas" part is sooo shoehorned in.  It's very much like they did not have the budget to really do up the Christmas aspect.

The Rewind: I rewound to see what the title of Cecily's book was called.  It wasn't worth the extra seconds.  In a "movie" with corgis, that I didn't once rewind to see some fun/cute corgi action really underlines how terrible this movie is.

The Regulars: This is from the writer of Merry & Bright  and The Nine Kittens of Christmas (the most disappointing Hallmark experience I've ever had) so I shouldn't be surprised by how not great this was.  This is Hunter King's first Hallmarkie, and I just feel so bad for her, she seems better than this.   Surprisingly it's everyone's first Hallmarkie (save the writer and director).

How does it Hallmark? The romance is soooo forced.  Some might say obligatory.  All the emotional moments (dead father talk, parental issues, sibling issues, extended family issues) all ring very hollow.  There's no chemistry between any of the players here (no romantic chemistry, no sibling chemistry, no familial chemistry, no royal chemistry).  Nobody even seems *that* attached to the corgis (and the corgis don't seem attached to any of these people).  Comfrey is the worst fictional European territory.This is bad, even by bad Hallmark standards.  One of the worst ever. 

How does it movie? Audio quality bad.  Set decoration...so bad... certainly no "the Crown", is also no "Princess Switch"...it's not even "King of Queens".  It's real bad you guys. It's like dollar store posh.  The wardrobes, equally bad.  The bloody queen wears the same bloody outfit (which looks straight off the TJ Maxx/Winners rack) twice in seemingly as many days.  And there's no sense of royal decorum or formality. The queen's private secretary, Hobbs, totally has the hots for the queen and then makes the moves on her before the Christmas ball.  For serious? Or the royal line of succession is so informal as to surprise someone with the news that they're taking over?  I wish this was even fun bad but it's just so painful.

How Does It Snow? As if things couldn't get any worse... no snow. None.  At all.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 10 - Christmas with You

2022, Gabriela Tagliavini (Without Men) -- Netflix

The Draw: Aimee Garcia !! Her Ella Lopez in Lucifer is one of the main reasons I kept on coming back to the show, even after the shine wore off. She played a quirky, geeky forensics expert, eerily chirpy and cheerful, always wearing a fun tshirt, and never phased by the weirdness of Lucifer. And she continually brought her own Latina take on the "staff nerd" role.

HERstory: Angelina (Aimee Garcia, Dexter) is an aging latin superstar. I hate that I have to add "aging" but that is a focus of the movie. She's a J Lo analog, but presented as a contemporary, and I imagine someone more steeped in the Latin pop scene would have a better pop star to compare her to, who has her best hits behind her, and is under immense pressure to write a hit Xmas song, something that will bring her back into the eyes of the general public. Garcia plays her to perfection, a cliché mix of excess, living apart from reality, going everywhere in dysfunctional designer clothing and body glitter.

The problem is that her well has run dry, and while her manager Monique (Zenzi Williams, Black Panther) is ever her ally, her fake-BF (a telenovela heart throb) Ricardo (Gabriel Sloyer, Inventing Anna) and her producer "Billion Dollar" Barry (Lawrence J Hughes, FBI: International), hound her constantly for the new hit, which will bring her (and them) back into the spotlight. Angelina and Ricardo have actually broken up, but play the part of couple for the fans, and Barry already has his new spotlight popstar, which drives Angelina to write That Hit even more.

But she's not feeling it. So, she trolls her own fan posts on the socials and comes across the heartfelt post by Cristina (Deja Monique Cruz, Manifest Evil) singing an Angelina song while remember her Dead Mom. Angelina decides the Best Thing Ever is to drive out to the burbs (a lame attempt at a PST) and generate some buzz by connecting with the teenager. Monique hesitantly agrees, and they head out as a snowstorm starts. Oh, we know where that will go.

So, yeah outrageous popstar in tacky, glitter covered clothing & impractical shoes in the driving digital snow. She puts bags on the high end, custom stilettoes, and attempts to convince Cristina and her dad Miguel (Freddie Prinze Jr, 24) she was moved by the video and not to generate social media activity. She wants to get / give a few selfies and head back, but... SNOW STORM ! Guess who's staying the night! One feeble attempt at a family dinner (the meal was just pozole?) and a tequila fueled night with abuela (Socorro Santiago, What We Do in the Shadows), leaves Angelina starting to feel the family warmth. The best bit though, is watching Moni whole heartedly take it all in; for a moment, I was hoping they would connect Miguel and her together, because they do connect almost immediately.

Prinze as Miguel comes off as the stable, well put together single dad, who isn't phased in the least that a silly popstar is staying the night in his home. He loves how well his daughter reacts to her, and even allows Angelina to poke around his new song. Yoinks, his "new song" is a single line and a bar, but Angelina sees gold in it! So, she decides to stay longer, to work on the song with Miguel.

So, she's staying a bit longer, so the pair get to know each other, and the rest of the family. Cristina is going to have her quinceañera soon, so Angelina attends one of their dance practices, aweing cousins and friends with her presence. And we get a tamale making session, where Angelina admits she sacrificed most of her youth to pop stardom, but it allows a damn endearing scene where Miguel shows her how to make one, while the family (and Moni) look on knowingly. 

Eventually the song is written and Angelina is drawn back to The City for a gala event, which she invites Miguel and Cristina to. The song is a hit, especially since she invites Miguel on stage to share in the debut. But a hit song just complicates matters. She is booked for Saturday Nite Live, which means she will miss Cristina's quinceañera, which she promised to attend. Miguel is unhappy with Angelina's choice, but cannot fault her success, but he also says rather bluntly that he thought the two had begun to connect. He may have been out of the game since his wife's death, but he's not a dumb or unconfident guy. But Angelina choses career and success over love.

But does she really? It doesn't take too long for her to realize her mistake, give up the night on SNL and run back to whichever suburb this was, to attend Cristina's special night, and reconcile with Miguel.

The Formulae: Not a whole lot actually. And the ones we get are less the classic holiday Hallmarkie ones, and more just the cliché romance ones. Two generally disconnected people meet due to a life interrupted, and are drawn together. Eventually they have to choose love or life, and briefly chose life. There is a holiday event, if the charity gala counts?

Unformulae: This was not Hallmark, not even Lifetime, so I guess they don't have to beholden to the tropes, but it also begs a pondering of the different types of of Hallmarkies. I am nore steeped in the Xmas one, and to be honest, this movie is barely even Xmas. I mean, we don't see any of the classic Xmas events such as ice skating, or decorating or cookie making (do tamales count?) but I don't have any issue replacing hot chocolate with tequila. But snark aside, there is still a formula for the low-key romance movies and if I was more aware of them, this might fit the mould?

True Calling? Does it? I mean, its the song title, but do they actually spend Xmas together? Again, we don't even really SEE Xmas take place. So, no.

The Rewind: Yup, she put bags on her shoes. And while he doesn't even seem to take his boots off in his own home (you know, cuz its NOT really winter outside), she is polite enough to remove the bags.

The Regulars: Nobody really.

How does it Hallmark? No, it doesn't. Again, unless it fits the off-season mould more so, this is not a Hallmarkie in any sense other than Netflix marketed it towards that crowd at the Xmas season. 

How does it movie? So, if we view it just as a seasonal romance movie, how is it? Not very good. This is where I see there is still a formula being adhered to, as the structure of the plot and the way the romance plays out (and how very little happens outside that), it is not a very good movie. Sure, Prinze is very very believable as the protective, sincere Dad who while he admits was a fan of Angelina in his youth (remember, she is considered old), he is not phased by her success or stardom - he still treats her like a person and a guest in his house. BUT beyond that, the movie is extremely toss away.

How Does It Snow?  (ooops didn't write this before I published) Digital snow. LOOOOTS of digital snow. And probably some shipped in ice rink shavings poured on top of old snow for the suburban scenes.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar: Day 9 - It's Christmas, Carol

A Toast to HallmarKent 
2012, d. Michael Scott - Tubi

The Draw: Carrie Fisher, obviously.  Plus, I'm already in on two Christmas Carol-related movies this year, why not another?

HERstory: Carol Huffler is a real C*word. CEO? She's CEO of a publishing empire, yes, but the other C*word.  She cancels basically tells a Salvation Army Santa to fuck off, she cancels everyone's Christmas, she fires an passionate editor after making a plea to publish a manuscript (we don't publish books to read, we publish books to sell), and she doesn't allow Kendra, her senior editor, to have the transfer London where her boyfriend is moving.  She also doesn't want to see her ailing mother on Christmas ("she might not have many left" her caretaker tells Carol.  "Stick to your job description" she snaps back).

At an industry Christmas party (is that a thing?) Carol runs into her ex from 10 years ago, Bland...I mean Ben, the author of the very same novel she fired an editor for proposing they publish. It's a terse, fraught reunion, Carol storms off to the bathroom, where she encounters...Eve, the founder of her publishing company, who passed away (from getting hit by a bus) years ago.

Eve tells her she's there to help her to, well, stop being a total bitch. As she explains, she works for spiritual entities that oversee the balance of things.  "We call them the 'Board of Correctors'" she says, wryly (a pun only Carrie Fisher can sell).  As Carol storms out of the building, she winds up in 1985, and Eve guides her to her mom's job behind a department store counter.  Carol's reminded of her mom's motto (which clearly she forgot) : "Work to live, don't live to work". Point being, Carol grew up poor.

They debate the business that Eve started, since it almost failed...where Eve made a family out of it, Carol made an empire. "You died with integrity, and a mountain of debt, which I turned into a mountain of profit."  At a used bookstore in 1999, Carol meets Bland...Ben...Blend, and he asks her about what authors she likes (and she rhymes off Dickens, Hugo, Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy...eliciting groans from my English major wife..clearly someone just did a Bing search on "best authors ever"). Smash cut to Blend and and Carol moving in together, and she gifts him a typewriter, which Eve points out encouraged him to pursue his dream.  Carol tries to be dismissive of this trip down memory lane, and then storms away, only to find she can't leave the trip.  She turns back up to a year or two later, when Carol and Blend argue over Carol's ambition to take Eve's company to the next level even if it means going over Eve's head and compromising her vision for the business, but also turns into a debate about Ben's ambition and Carol's distaste for being poor.  Blend walks away after past Carol says "I wish I never gave you that typewriter", but today's Carol says she regrets saying that...because if she had never given him the typewriter, they might still be together and then she wouldn't be where she is today." "Direly single, with no friends..."  Carol then jumps out a window.

Winding up in the present tense, Carol finally clues into this being...like... oh, what was that story...? (for such a supposed fan of Dickens, per the earlier scene, Carol should not be labouring this hard over recalling the title of one of the most famous stories in western culture).

They visit the employee's house who she fired earlier in the day, and Carol victim blames her for getting fired.  Then she sees her other employees at a bar drinking and plotting to quit en masse and start their own company.  Then they visit Carol's assistant Kendra who defends Carol to her boyfriend (Kendra's boyfrend is even more blah than Blend), and they get into a fight.  Kendra looks up to Carol, and is loyal to her and this causes division between them.  When Eve points out that Carol can change things for them, Carol asks "Why? Why should I?"  They stop off at Carol's mother's, where her caregiver gives her a present "from Carol" to make her happy (we later learn the gift was arranged by Kendra, but I thought the caregiver would have done it... I'm pretty sure the caregiver and Carol's mom are in a secret relationship. At one point Carol's mom tells her to go home and be with her family on Christmas, and she's like "Nah. I'm good here").  Eve and Crol visit Blend at his sister's (where Carol seems to learning for the first time that he had a sister), and Blend's sister tells him to fight for Carol if he still has feelings for her.  Clearly she's never met Carol, otherwise she'd be telling her brother to run far, far away.

Then blink, Carol's back home, sans Eve.  She looks up "A Christmas Carol" (on "Info Traveler") to find out what happens next.... It's fucking "A Christmas Carol", Carol, how do you not know what comes next? Maybe the stupedest thing I've seen in a movie in a long time.  Eve fakes her out with a "creepy" descent down the staircase in a dark cloak (Carrie Fisher trying to bring some sense of energy to this direly boring teleplay), then takes her to a series of possible futures.  First to Carol and Blend's big happy family, then to her funeral where only Kendra shows up (acting just like her, and looking not too dissimilar to now, implying that if Carol doesn't change her ways, she dies soon?).  She asks if there's a door number 3 and Eve tells her it's up to her and just walks away.  

Carol wakes up and finds Blend's manuscript in her mail slot, and she reads it. Then goes to fired editor's place to give her presents for the kids and to apologize for her ...well, everything... and gets the door slammed in her face at least 3 times, but makes amends and gets her editor back.  At the office, the revolution is about to begin but Carol. has set up a breakfast buffet, profit sharing documents, and 2 weeks paid Christmas vacation.  But it's still bloody Christmas morning... send.them.home.lady!  She gives Kendra a 1 year paid sabbatical, and then runs off to spend time with her mom, then runs off to Blend and they...I don't actually know what happened in the final minutes...and I'll tells you why...in a minute.  BUT...how...HOW!? How, on Christmas day, did Carol manage to 1) read an entire manuscript, 2) go shopping for gifts to woo the fired editor, 3) draft up an entire profit sharing/ownership restructuring document, 4) arrange a breakfast buffet... how did she do all this?  Jewish lawyers and catering?  I'm just wondering how she got through a whole manuscript before noon.  She wakes up and it's light outside, so in NYC in late December that's post-7am.  To fit this timeline she'd had to have read the entire manuscript in about 45 minutes.  Good thing she woke up with PRISTINE makeup applied and perfectly unmussed hair.

The Formulae: It's the Christmas Carol formulae.  No Hallmark cliches.

Unformulae: Oh, it does not break formulae, much, except instead of three ghosts, it's just the one, for max Carrie Fisher time. Hard to argue the value add with that change.

True Calling? It's a fun play on the traditional title, but the movie isn't as fun as the title suggests.

The Rewind: Oh. my. god. In the last five or so minutes, when Carol's just a girl, standing at her ex-boyfriend's sister's door, something about the lighting really highlighted Emmanuelle Vaugiers eyebrows, and...wow, her esthetician did her rrrreeeal dirty...and it's immortalized on film.  Once we noticed we couldn't stop staring and then we just started laughing, uncontrollably for minutes straight, because the camera was pretty much fixated, in close-up, on Carol...and those Jon Waters' moustaches over each eye.

So I went back and ...yeah, her eyebrows are like that the whole movie, I guess her hair framed her face differently through the rest of the film.  It would have been great if her eyebrows were different in the ghost trips.

The Regulars: Susan Hogan, who is a hardcore Hallmarkie staple for the past decade, plays yet another Mom. The guys of this film are way too bland for Hallmark, but Geoff Gustafson has a tiny part in this and he turned up as recently in Three Wise Men and a Baby (and a thousand others).  Rebecca Davis and Patti Allen, both in small roles here as two of the three rebelling employee crew, each has a few Hallmarkie notches under their respective belt (Carson Kressley from classic Queer Eye and Drag Race judge is the third in that triumverate, he turned up last year in a cameo in The Bitch Who Stole Christmas)

How does it Hallmark?  Sans all the cliches, it's kind of a lesser-than as far as this kind of holiday fare goes.  It's really devoid of Christmas feels (all those trips into the past and present and future were supposed to be Christmases? They didn't much feel like it at all, and any Christmas we do see all seem a little sad).  It definitely had a better production budget than the usual Christmas crap (it looked more like a movie than a Hallmarkie usually does but that's not saying much). 

How does it movie? Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwt's not a good movie.  Sorry, started nodding off while writing this.  It's so bog standard the Christmas Carol formula that the only bright spot was Carol having the door slammed in her face three times at the same household.  You just don't buy such a dramatic turnaround from her after being such a C*word (not CEO!) for the entire production.  Then to just see her gravesite and repent, I know that's classic Dickens but it's just such a unbelievable stretch.  I did kind of enjoy Vaugier being an asshole though, she played it really quite well.

Also whenever there was a pratfall (which was like three or four times) the score would go all Looney Tunes for a brief few seconds.  It was awkward.

How Does It Snow? Dammit, I forgot to pay any attention to the snow.  I'm guessing there wasn't much of it to speak of.  Most of the movie takes place indoors.

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 8 - A Christmas Movie Christmas

 2019, Brian Herzlinger (Reindeer Games: Homecoming) -- CBC Gem

The Draw: I had a few ideas for this season, to ease the burden of decidng which of the 4000 new Hallmarkies I could watch: food, magic and meta. This one is meta. Very meta. So much meta that at points, I wondered if the terrible elements were intentional, or just actually terrible. But its also magic.

HERstory: We fly in on a rather spectacular snow scene, a snow kissed Picturesque Small Town, and then down to a Leading Man doing his usual schpiel about love and her and ... we zoom out and Eve is about to kiss the Leading Man on her work monitor. Yoinks, does not bode well.

We are meeting Eve (Lana McKissack, 9-1-1: Lonestar) and her sister Lacy (Kimberly Daugherty, Corbin Nash). Eve watches faaaar too many Christmas Hallmarkies, and this one Christmas Cove repeatedly so. Lacy derides her choices, and also picks on her for not putting herself out at work, while interrupting her at work.

This is some Z Grade level movie, where the office shots look & sound more like a corporate training video; some impressively bad acting. And the "impressive work" she is doing looks so low-end, barely corporate newsletter level, let alone magazine spread level. OMG, what have I got myself into?

And our first commercial break. This is CBC Gem where the inserted ads are repeated over and over and over and over. Amazon kicks it off.

We return to the girls watching Return to Christmas Cove where the opening begins as the first movie, Christmas Cove began, but in reverse. The characters were walking away, and now they are walking back, wearing the exact same clothing. If this movie I am watching is bad, the movies she watches are n-th degree worse, especially that smarmy Leading Man.

Eve and Lacy go out walking with their hot chocolate in mugs, mugs upon which you can see the sale stickers on the bottom. Don't set dressers usually clean that stuff up? And they bump into a (Creepy) Magic Santa who is accepting wishes. Eve, of course, wants to be in an Xmas Hallmarkie, and Lacy keeps her wish to herself. But we know that (Creepy) Magic Santa knows.

The girls return to finish the movie (couple leaving Chistmas Cove again....) and we are then given astoundingly low-budget Xmas Magic effects as the two fall asleep on the sofa. Why did they go out walking with hot chocolate again, only to come back to finish the movie? Not sure it was mentioned, not sure it matters. They just needed an encounter with a (Creepy) Magic Santa so we could actually kick off the real meta part of this movie, as the girls wake up, buried under six inches of afghans, wearing matching onesies, and...

"Did you go to bed with your makeup and hair done?" Snort.

Yup, the sisters are inside an Xmas Hallmarkie. They awaken to a GrammGramm they don't recognize, who accepts their hostility with grandmotherly charm, and feeds them perfectly cooked & styled cinnamon waffles.

"They could be arsenic waffles !!" Lacy says. "Don't care, worth it," Eve replies.

Is their acting getting better? Are they actually invested in their characters? GrammGramm is some extra creepy level grandmotherly cheerful, so much so that I am not surprised Lacy expects arsenic in their Picturesque Breakfast. But nope, just tasty tasty carbs.

The sisters head out for a walk around their PST, and... OMG, EVERY WOMAN IN TOWN (and there are LOTS of extras) IS WEARING A RED COAT !! And the trees are covered in ... cotton batting snow. Eve pokes one as she walks by. Snort. They wander around the perfect looking Holiday Falls (at least they are not in Christmas Cove), which looks more and more like the fake houses built for theme parks, in bright gaudy colours, and ... a Christmas Market! Lacy spots Santa, and decides to jump the line.

"What are you going to ask Santa?!" asks Precocious Child with Cindy-Lou Who voice. "I'm going to ask him for some answers !!" replies Lacy. 

(Creepy) Magic Santa is surprisingly forthcoming with the fact he brought the sisters here for their Xmas Wishes, but any further revelations are interrupted when they find out the Christmas Festival is in danger! OH NOES! And guess who gets volunteered to help Save the Christmas Festival? Eve! By this time, Lacy is just tagging along to see WTF is going on, while Eve dives in deep, meeting Hunky Boy number one, Dustin (Ryan Merriman, The Pretender). He's the town handyman and will be helping Eve Save the Christmas Festival. And also Hunky Boy number two, her actual in-story BF, Chad (Randy Wayne, Asking For It [where, he played "douchebag"]) who also happens to be Leading Man from Christmas Cove movies. Ruh roh, love complications! Dick BF from The Big City vs Nice Guy from the PST !! We know who wins.

Back to GrammGramm's house, the gaudily painted single storey house that only has cookies in the fridge and a fucking creepy demonic child toy on a high shelf. The sadistic set dressers for this movie must have hired an Evil Xmas Witch to play GrammGramm, and eventually these two false granddaughters will end up as ingredients in her cookies. No matter, Eve has to decorate the Xmas Tree, which she claims she is terrible at, but in a whirlwind of off-screen cartoony decorating magic, she creates a perfectly hideous decorated pastel coloured tree. Snort. 

By this point, I am beginning to think the people who made this movie HATE Hallmarkies.

Lacy, who really doesn't have any place in this Hallmarkie, eventually begins wandering about on her own, while her sister joins the narrative. Considering there is no getting fat in Hallmarkies, she pops into the cookie place and has a klutzy moment, AND is offered free cookies by Paul (Brant Daugherty, Mingle All the Way), the Cute Baker. Cute Baker instantly becomes her love interest for the B Plot, not that Lacy has asked for it. He also becomes her stalker, an attitude that I thought only we were noticing (Peanut Gallery, "That's fucking STALKER-EY !!") but not long after, Lacy is weirded out as well. I was thinking, that since she was known for dating lots of loser guys, that she could really take advantage of this world for tons of consequence free sex, but we all know sex doesn't happen in Hallmarkies, so she had to satisfy herself with cookies and the non-stop affection from Paul the Bakery Stalker.

Meanwhile, Eve is alternating between Dustin and Chad, who proves himself majorly the Dick BF being farce level cheesy, smarmy, and annoying AF. And he's a snobby "world famous pop star" who will save the Christmas Festival. Or will he? He also has a snooty ex who is out to be a rival, and to scuttle the Christmas Festical. We also learn that in a Hallmarkie, Eve can sing rather well, as long as its only, "Fa La La La La La La..."

I am reaching the point of this recap where I am realizing plot doesn't matter, but there are sooooo many terrible/wonderful moments worth recounting. Sooooo many. Sooooo terrible.

Meanwhile in Amazon TV ad World, Dad is buying a shredder, and is probably shredding the medical bills from his wife's hospital stays. Mom didn't survive.

OH NOES ! Paul, the Bakery Stalker has started sending Lacy love notes, in the form of intricately created greeting cards. They escalate rather quickly, and steeply as he leaves one on the ... bedroom window? Wait, why is their bed in the main floor living room just left of the door?!?! Lacy has had enough, especially considering Window Card has a drawing of her sleeping. OMG ! Annnnd, there is a stalker card in every single tree outside the house! This movie is doubling down on mocking everything about Hallmarkies, and somehow is unbelievably terrible and incredibly charming & actually funny. Its a Christmas Miracle Paradox.

OMG !! Paul the Bakery Stalker, does Kent's arm pumping cute voice !!

SNOW GLOBE AMAZON COMMERCIAL !!

"Thank-You Token Adorable Child !" says Lacy as she confronts Paul the Bakery Stalker about his creepy CREEPY obsession but the Token Adorable Child tries to convince Lacy its alright, in her Cindy-Lou Who voice. By now, Lacy is being worn down and is actually beginning to enjoy herself ! And like Stalker Paul's company. She is now drawing her own hand made cards for him; alas she didn't go with the "her gnawing on his leg" drawing. Snort. Too bad, I would have liked to have seen it.

Toss away scene! Not only could they be saving the Christmas Fair, they could also have to save the Local Dance School.

We are now plowing into Act 3/4 where things are fucking up, and Dennis and Chad have been made aware of each other. Noelle the ex has scuttled the Christmas Festical, Dennis is heart broken, Chad is pissed and will NOT Save the Christmas Festical with his international pop star fame. BUT GrammGramm doesn't got time for Evie's self pitying bullshit ! Time to fix this shit ! Yep, both sisters just yell out "MONTAGE !!" as they proceed to SAVE THE CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL !! Wait, the Christmas Festival is on Xmas Day? Don't people have things to do on Xmas Day, like spend it with family? Not in Hallmarkie Land !!

The Amazon ad song is "You Hold Me Up" by The Bones of JR Jones... with the misheard lyric of, "You hoooold me up, so I get blind."

With the Christmas Festival saved by the montage scene, a gracious Dick BF Chad returns to do a fuuuuuuucking terrible Xmas pop song. And Stalker Paul ugly cries over Cindy-Lou Who's daddy coming home from the war between Belgravia and Montenaro. OK, I made that bit up, but he was a returning soldier. Christmas is saved, Dennis has forgiven Eve, Lacy likes Stalker Paul, Precocious Little Girl has a daddy, Chad is now back with Noelle, GrammGramm is addicted to the best hot chocolate EVER and (Creepy) Magical Santa returns the sisters to The Real World on Christmas Morning. 

O... M... G... and they brought the Hunky Boys ... back with them ?!?? But they don't have a SIN, or a job, or ... well, a real life.

But lookey there, the snow in TRW is .... real.

How did I not remember that Kent also watched this last year ?!?!

The Formulae: Pretty much everything and all things and even more of that. They kept on adding in brief moments of tropes from other movies, even off-handedly mentioning a single Prince being in town. The tropes were buried under the Meta, but also intertwined within it.

Unformulae: The comedy? The comedy that was actually funny? The bad acting that was so bad, I began losing the thread of whether it was intentional, or just low budget or a bit of both... Not sure if the random Scroogey character is formula unless you extend Hallmarkies into Scroogeys land.

True Calling? Of course !

The Rewind: Wait, what is that written on Lacy's butt? You see, she's wearing an Xmas themed union suit that looks like its covered in Xmas lights and written on the butt is, "Out Like a Light!"

The Regulars: Stalker Paul has been in a few, but most of them are not in that circle of actors. I guess it would have been a metastrophe if all the faces were also already familiar Hallmarkie actors?

How does it Hallmark? Beyond the referential material being spot on, the movie itself is ... not? Considering that absolutely nothing is real, how can the budding romances of either sister be considered real at all ? Not that the "I just met you but I love you" aspect of any Hallmarkie is ever realistic, but in this one, they KNOW its being forced upon them, so how can they gain real emotional connection anymore than someone acting in a movie.... except that Stalker Paul and Lacy ended up getting together IRL, so.... make your own conclusions.

How does it movie? So, despite the now rather confusing absolutely low budget feel of the movie, I found myself chuckling and laughing out loud far too many times to not consider this an enjoyable flick all on its own.

How Does It Snow? Brilliantly. When in TRW, there is real snow and when in the Hallmarkie Cinematic Universe, COTTON BATTING ABOUNDS !!

T&K's XMas (2022) Advent Calendar Day 7: Three Wise Men and a Baby

 A Toast to HallmarKent

2022, d. Terry Ingram - Hallmark

The Draw: Three of Hallmark's superstar hunks coming together in a holiday riff on a classic comedy setup.  Even if I'm intentionally trying to not be that into Hallmark this year, this was a must-watch.

HISstory: There's no female lead in this one (what!?! Unprecedented![maybe]) so already it's a sweeping deviation.  We're 20 seconds in and Andrew Walker's got his shirt off and he's vainly pumping himself up in the mirror (Dirk Diggler-style).  Once dressed he's wearing a fire department T-shirt, so he's a fireman.  He also lives at home with his mom (Margaret Collins).  The living sitch is temporary, as he renos his home...for the past 10 months, (which his colleagues try to make sound like it's a very long time, but it isn't that outrageous, I've seen home renos in Toronto last over 2 years).  Mom wants him and his brothers to help with decorate up the place for Christmas, but for some reason Andrew dodges the request. At work (the "Spruce Grove Fire Dept Hall"... is this same building from Nine Lives of Christmas maybe at a different angle?  Or is blue siding typical firehall signifier now) the firepersons (as there's a woman on the crew) return from the third false alarm at the beauty salon this month, always when "Mr. January" Andrew is on duty.

Over at Funnen Games (nice logo, good pun) there's a Corporate Christmas party happening (at 9am), and Tyler Hines is just not into it (his festive garb is a blinking reindeer pin hidden under his sweater).  He dated one of his coworkers (Ali Liebert), and they seem to have a good rapport, but obviously it didn't work out.  This chatter here is not quite Mythic Quest, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was inspired by it. Tyler's boss winds up firing him because he's not a team player (being grumpy about Christmas seemed to be the last straw). As Tyler tries to publicly announce his quitting/firing to rally support, someone shouts "Nobody likes you".  Tyler retreats to video gaming at home and talking to 12 year olds online (not creepily, thankfully).  He lives in his mom's basement ("that's temporary").  Having dinner with mom, she mentions to him about decorating the place with his brothers, and coments "funny how busy everyone gets when I mention Christmas".

Paul Campbell is a pet psychiatrist and author (Prime Mates For Life), his motormouth redhead client (Fiona Vroom) kinda has the hots for him and misconstrues everything he says as a pass.  Later he's training a corgi who doesn't want to be trained (I can relate!).  He's approached by a group of walkers from the animal shelter who want him to do a talk to help boost adoption, but the very idea triggers his social anxiety. (Love the detail of him picking up his corgi and being covered in dog hair.) Later, while Tyler and mom are having dinner, Paul rings the doorbell and comes in bearing dessert. Tyler: "Quick question. Why do you come in the front door like you don't live in the back yard?"  So yeah, the brothers all live at home, at least right now, but they don't get along.  Mom wants just one more Christmas with everyone together under the one roof, doing all the traditions they used to: decorating the tree, making coookies, etc.  

Andrew's doing real show-off yoga at the fire hall when there's a knock at the door.  When he goes downstairs he find a baby, with a bag of supplies and a note for Andrew that the mom need him to take care of the baby for a few days and they'll be back for him at Christmas.  When he goes home, Mom is kind of ecstatic to have a baby. Unfortunately mom's sister has just had an accident and is in the hospital and needs to leave, leaving three men with a baby (gasp, that's never happened before).

Andrew has a work thing (kids charity), and Paul has a client visit (with the redhead again), so Tyler is defacto caregiver...and it does not go well.  Paul takes over, with a plan to bake cookies (with a baby?) and yeah, that doesn't go well either.  They clean the baby up and the brother's bicker brotherly.  Tyler wonders how someone abandons a child on Christmas, to which Paul responds, "Dad would know...oh right, we don't talk about that in this family".

Paul and Tyler are out buying more supplies as a department store, and they run into Ali, Tyler's ex from work, where he has to explain the baby, and gets an earful about how much he let down the rest of the team at work in his firing/quitting. Mom and her concussed sister talk about the baby, the boys, and how the brothers had kind of closed off from each other after their dad left.

Andrew returns from work, and is critical about Paul and Tyler's rearing skills, and they're happy to leave the baby with him.  The next morning, Andrew is doing great, as is the baby, and they get on with their day.  Paul's annoying redhead client reveals another side of herself.  Andrew's reno guy seeds the idea of his place being fit for a family.  Tyler's meeting with a friend reveals that he's virtually unhireable ("you're a wrecking ball").  Andrew accidentally switches the baby at the store.  The police solve the problem, and Andrew's perfect record is sullied.  

The brothers go out together to the Christmas square with the baby and decide to go skating (!), where Tyler runs into Ali, again, and they flirt some more.  The brothers rent elf costumes to take a picture with the baby and Santa (cue comedic slow-mo walk).  They get along for the day and kind of actually enjoy each other's company.  Their limited "dad" time with baby Thomas has put into perspective how great their mom is, and they decide to give her the Christmas she was wanting... starting with a new tree (sigh, Christmas tree shopping like 2 days before Christmas). Then they find out from their high school bully who lives across the street (and is still a dick, as played by Matt Hamilton) that there's a grand prize to the home decorating contest the local TV station puts on, and they seek out to win the cruise for mom.  As they plan, Ali shows up to return something and they enlist her help.  And then Paul's redhead client arrives with a casserole.  Dinner and decorating the tree lead to the boys doing their silly "Dance of the Sugar Plum" fairy dance which is all kinds of silly and awesome (as my wife said, "I love hot men doing a goofy dance.")

At the firehouse, the dead chief's son turns up and Andrew and him bond over the pain of having no father. When he returns home, the brother's have a blow out as Andrew talks about being the father figure for his brothers after a snippy remark from Tyler.  But they come back together when Paul thinks the baby has an emergency (just a rash). They hash out their tearful appreciation for each other and how their father's abandonment affected each of them.  And then they get to work on their Christmas display/Nativity performance... which is a bust...but they earn the respect of their bully which I guess is a small victory... and mom made it back in time for Christmas...and then baby Thomas's mom returns...

It's a tearful goodbye to baby Thomas, but a wonderful Christmas for the brothers and Mom.  A year later, Tyler and Ali are together again and he's gainfully employed, Paul and the redhead are together and he's doing a little better with his anxiety.  The bully across the way is now a friend and hangs out at Christmas.  And baby Thomas and the mom are friends of the family now (I'm assuming that Andrew isn't together with the mom...but that may be incorrect).

The Formulae: The movie opens like stock Hallmark: unimpressive title card, Generic Christmas Song and generic establishing shots (Seattle, a very Christmasy suburb, and a house with no decoration).  There's the Christmas tree shopping scene, where the brothers argue over what is the best type of Christmas tree (a conversation that has been had in Hallmark movies 500 times by now).  There's cookie baking and hot chocolate, skating, and of course and "stakes" in the form of a really no-stakes competition.

Unformulae: I just remembered that this isn't the first time we've had a Hallmarkie where there's not a female lead... The Christmas House was another one... but they're rare.  Hallmark is like (straight) porn... it's all about the women, the guy is just a vessel...but you want them to be good looking.. so it's weird when the guys are the showcase, but these boys earned it.  This was a flat-out comedy, really in the vein of 80's situational comedies, obviously riffing on Three Men and a Baby (and even having a little homage in the baby bottle tossing scene towards the end where they're just on a roll in this "three dads" mode).  It has romantic sub-plots but the focus is truly on the brothers and their relationship to one another. I liked each of these three characters, their personalities were very defined and very consistently played.  Plus, it's really, really funny.  There's some great lines of dialogue, and some tremendous physical comedy.  We're not used to this out of Hallmark, like, at all.

True Calling? The title is great.  Perfect.  It recalls both the classic film and injects Christmas into it. It's all you need.

The Rewind: There were a lot of great jokes in the first 20 minutes that I stopped and rewound, but perhaps the best moment is Tyler and Paul, after a long exhausting day with the baby, laying into Andrew for coming home so late.  It's kind of a cliched joke, but Tyler's physicality in the scene, doing squats with the baby and holding Paul's hand, was just hilarious.  As was their Sugar Plum Fairy dance.

The Regulars: Everyone! It's an all-star affair.  Even the bit parts seem to be stacked with Hallmark regulars.  Walker, Hines and Campbell are Hallmark A-list. Love interests Ali Liebert and Fiona Vroom, as well as bully Matt Hamilton and Thomas' mom Nicole Major all have Hallmark history and holiday romances in their past.  And co-writer, and Hallmark legend, Kimberley Sustad (Nine Lives of Christmas) makes a cameo, but she also co-wrote the film with Cambell.  Only Mom Margaret Colin doesn't have a Hallmark past, but she was stunt-casted because she was in the original 3 Men and a Baby.

How does it Hallmark? As a Hallmark movie it does a good job at hitting a lot of the tropes while doing something very different with them, even pushing them way to the background so that they're almost negligent (hot cocoa wasn't a big deal and led to a cute cheers with a baby bottle).  It's a flat-out comedy which is not what we expect at all from a Hallmark, and quite frankly this feels like way, way above the standards of the channel's usual far.

How does it movie? Given it's "Hallmark All-Stars" cast, I could see this being a theatrical release.  It doesn't have the production values, but it overcomes whatever budget limitations with a classic Hollywood comedy script and incredible performances from all players who seem to know there's something special about this one.  There's none of that "been there, done that" sleepwalking happening here.  By Hollywood comedy standards, it's pretty middle-of-the-road fare, but that's miles above your typical pre-2020s Hallmarkie that tried to be funny.

How Does It Snow? I had to go back and look.  The big Christmas lights showdown/nativity scene is mostly cotton batting with digital snowfall, with maybe a bit of manufactured snow happening.  It looks fine if you're not paying attention (and I wasn't).