3 Short Paragraphs (Or Not): Get Away

2024, Steffen Haars (Krazy House) -- download

Is there an actual Swedish horror movie tradition about weird cultish people in the wilderness? I mean we know there is Midsommar but... can you name another? A rabbit hole for another day, and either way, that is the setting the movie wants us to assume, that if you wander off the well-trodden path in Sweden, seeking a nice out of the way place away from cell phones and chaos, you can find a creepy bunch of people in the woods. Or on an island. Definitely islands.

Daddy and Mummy and their two kids have a AirBnB booked on said island of Svalta. Sorry, Richard (Nick Frost, Black Cab) and Susan (Aisling Bea, Alice & Jack), and Jessie (Maisie Ayres, Criminal Record) and Sam (Sebastian Croft, Heartstopper). They have had a tough year and just need somewhere off the grid for some non-stressful family time. As expected, the teen kids hate the idea. 

First up, the ferry to the island states it will pick them up but its the last ferry for quite some time -- the island will be isolated while it celebrates its traditional festival of Karantan (you must pronounce it with a Swedish accent and an ominous pause) that was... well, that time everyone became cannibals. In olden days that islanders were starving, while the plague knocked at their doors, and ended  up eating some English representatives instead. Now, every year they remember what they were driven to with a festival and a play. That is what brought the family here. 

Secondly, the diner at the dock is your classic "creepy, rude people" common enough in diners and truck stops and gas bars from horror movies. People in rural areas never trust people from The City, or in this case, tourists from England. The ride over on the ferry is not much better as a number of islanders heading back for ...  Karantan are not exactly happy to see outsiders. And the arrival at the island is worse. The island is mostly home for a "kommune", a bunch of anachronistic looking weirdoes who do not want tourists, and the only one not part of the commune is the creepy guy renting out his later mother's house as an AirBnB.

All is Not As It Seems is the tag line for all these kinds of movies. And yet, as they are horror movies meant for horror movie fans (referential, tongue in cheek), everything is as it seems. The islanders do have a creepy festival and creepy rituals, even if they have a lot of pride in what they do and very high production values -- the creepy costume is award winning. And the creepy (yes, creepy is the word of the day) guy running the AirBnB does have his own off-putting agenda.

But that's not all. And from now on Spoilers Abound.

You see, despite everyone in the movie acting villainous, the real villains of the movie are the family. They are not a family. They are part of some sort of organization of psychopaths that organizes "get aways" for killers. This isolated island full of people with a murderous, cannibalistic background is the family's holiday, where they get to kill with abandon! And the movie jumps into the gorey killing with gleeful blood soaked abandon! Not long after the Karandan play starts, which is quite impressive -- again with the great production values (!!) -- the real killing begins, and never stops and small, vicious family attacks everyone with blades and whatever is at hand.

Is this where I just admit it was cute? Is cute accurate for these kind of movies? Sure, the fountains of blood are often the point, but once the killing started, any plot deflated for me.  You mostly knew how things were going to go and they just had to play out. They comedy only somewhat worked and whole I love watching Aisling Bea and Nick Frost be their unfettered selves, I was only mildly amused. Would have been a more fun horror movie festival watch where you could feed off the more enthusiastic audience energy.