Because we never have enough projects in this Blog, I am creating one of my own, wherein I indulge my desire to rewatch a movie (because sometimes a rewatch is easier than absorbing a new movie) but also fill in a blank left by the Great Hiatus of 2018. It will be more interesting to me to see what I will be willing to rewatch, than see what I missed writing about.
In Googling to see if I wrote about this one, I see Kent did, but I did not. Surprisingly Kent liked it, but then again, not surprisingly consider our shared fondness for kaiju-ness. And this movie has a giant ape, a giant-er wolf and and even more gigantic gator thing.
The movie is based on a video game. But not just any video game, but a rather obscure 80s arcade game. I say obscure because few people I know, from the 80s, even remember it, but apparently it was a big success. The premise is 80s arcade game silly. Three people transmogrify into giant monsters: George the Ape, Lizzie the... Lizard, and Ralph the big werewolf thing. From there, you climb buildings, do the smashy smashy and eat food... and people, if I recall correctly. Oh, and fight the military.
This is not the kind of video game that is dear to the pop culture nostalgic heart, so I have no idea why they thought it needed to be adapted into an action-thriller ala Transformers. But whichever Purple Suit green lit this idea, I want to hug them, cuz I absolutely love this stupid, silly, utterly ridiculous movie. I even went so far as to grab a 4K copy, cuz whatever format I watched it in 2018, was lost to a HDD crash. If I was still adding to The Shelf, it would definitely be there.
Why AREN'T you still adding to The Shelf? And don't use the lack of media outlets as an excuse.
The ISS, an experiment gone wrong. A bug ugly spiky rat thing has killed all but one of the scientists and astronauts. She is desperately trying to get to the escape pod, but Evil Boss Lady (Malin Akerman, 27 Dresses) yells, "No! Get the experiment first and then you can escape." She does, barely getting into the pod before the rat thing eats her, the space station exploding around her. Alas, rat thing is blow into the pod and his scratchy scratch claws compromise the pod and soon its burning wreckages is falling down over the US, three of the experiment cannisters crashing into: the everglades, hills of Montana, and a zoo in San Diego.
Intro act. Ex-military guy Davis Okoye (The Rock, Moana) is a primatologist working at the San Diego Zoo, and is best friends with big albino ape George. George is intelligent, knows sign language and is a bit of a joker. Davis doesn't like people, despite all the girls swooning over the bald head and all the muscles. His assistants are basically plot exposition -- fill in some details as to the character of Davis.
Also, at least three people in this movie are in "The Boys". Casting agency? Some connection to Kripke?
The night after our introduction is when George finds the experiment cannister in his compound. The next morning, George is a wee bit bigger, like 9 feet high bigger. And aggressive. Apparently he killed a grizzly. WTF George!! What did the mean bear ever do to you? They sedate George but... he's still growing and the next morning he breaks out and escapes.
Oh yeah, mention grotty scientist lady, Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris, Miami Vice). Grotty because she used to work for Evil Boss Lady's corporation, but was fired and now sleeps in her own filth, and is now trying desperately to get her bastardized experiment back. She ends up with Davis and Big George, claiming to be there to help him. She's lying. Davis doesn't like liars.
Grotty. A bit harsh maybe? She is depicted as the completely-focused STEM type who doesn't have time for proper sleep schedules and ... hygiene. I actually envy being so enthralled with something that all normal human action takes second place. No really, I do. I have never had any such level of passion. When people talk about "Doing what you love!" I wonder if sitting, staring into space can be a passion.
Anywayz, the Acronym Police (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, The Losers) show up and arrest George. I am not sure what Davis and Caldwell did to also be arrested, but sure, whatever. Also, George is stuffed into a big C17 plane. Davis says he doesn't like planes, and In the Air (Phil Collins drum solo) is not exactly the best place for a big (BIG!), angry gorilla but Acronym Police Guy has to take George away. That's alright, they have George sedated.
Of course, George wakes up, goes ape-shit (really?) and kills pretty much everyone onboard but Davis and Kate. Also, David saves Acronym Police Guy. The plane crashes. They survive. So does George. Of course he does.
Interlude. Evil Boss Lady and her Lesser Evil Brother (Jake Lacy, Girls) have hired some military goons to capture a wolf-creature that shows up in Montana. It doesn't go so well.
Davis and Kate are once again incarcerated unfairly by the military who have taken over control of the op from Acronym Police Guy. But he ends up helping them escape, steal a chopper (which Davis can fly), and head to Chicago, because that apparently is where George, and his new best pal, Ralph the Wolf (does anyone actually call him Ralph in the movie? Wikipedia seems to think so....) are headed. Kate postulates something about bat signals and Evil Boss Lady's headquarters being there.
Inner voice tangent. I commented the other day, to myself and to Marmy, that Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays a lot of "acronym police" types in movies and TV -- guys in black & white suits working for a government agency, either as the Bad Guy or as the Grey Area Guy. I said that seeing him appear as a new character on this season's "The Boys". And here he is playing exactly that kind of character.
Chicago. Its being evacuated. The monsters have arrived, drawn to the signal on the big tower. Military types are not having much luck shooting the monsters. They also don't, as expected of military types, don't know how to stay OUT OF ARM'S REACH !! At this point, the movie just glosses over the fact that George, the big albino galoot with a weird sense of humour, is murdering dozens of people. That's alright, he's been roofied. Also, this is a big, dumb, action-thriller so I am not sure why I would ascribe human morality rules here.
Davis and Kate arrive, seeking to break into Evil Boss Lady's tower to steal.... a cure? I mean, really all Kate wants is to be validated in her research and also separate herself from what it has become. Davis just wants George back. While the monsters are munching and chomping and crushing things outside, Lizzie shows up via the Chicago River. The military is sending in a MOAB (mother of all bombs).
Evil Boss Lady interrupts Kate and Davis stealing cures, which turns out not to be a cure at all, but it will inhibit the aggression the monsters are feeling, and shoots Davis. They then make their way to the roof where their escape chopper is, but also, the signal attracting the monsters? You'd think they might think it better to install that signal on another tower? Also, why are they attracting the monsters? Something about getting some aspect of the "successful" experiment from their corpses? They will, of course, blame it all on Kate who was fired after all. And then sell the monster making formula to the higher bidder.
Lesser Evil Brother is a bit of a knob, under the thumb of his sister. And he's a bit of a nerd, as we can see in his big, glass office. He has the actual Rampage arcade game console in the office, as well as a few others. He also has some collectible figures on his desk: a dragon, and a pair of robots/spaceships that I am having no luck identifying, not even with the help of the Interwebz.
There is a bit of a kerfuffle on the tower roof, helicopter pilot is tossed away, chopper damaged, and Kate convinces George to eat Evil Boss Lady, along with the vials of "cure". Davis reappears, shot but not dead, and devises a plan to ride the broken chopper down the collapsing tower. Oh yeah, because Ralph and Lizzie have been smashing their way up the tower, its gonna collapse. It does. They ride the "wave" down and ... cough cough... grey dust everywhere... survive. BUT SO DO THE MONSTERS !!
Buuuut the "cure" has kicked in and George is now back cracking bad jokes to Davis via sign language. Dude, much inappropriate? Together, he and Davis get the monsters fighting with each other, Lizzie kills Ralph and George has to duke it out with Lizzie. Meanwhile Kate is convincing Acronym Police Guy to call off the MOAB. George finally kills Lizzie and the bombing run is stopped at the last second. And George dies.
No, not really, George is being a dick, pretending to be dead, so we can have some comic relief at the expense of Davis. The city has been saved, the evil monsters killed and George made not-evil. To accentuate that point, as we pull back, we see George the Giant Ape helping some guy from the second story of a ruined building, letting him do the Faye Ray thing and ride his palm to the ground. If I was that guy, I would still be pretty traumatized and not willing to step into the palm of a giant freaking ape. But you do you, Grateful Guy. Maybe he speaks American Sign.
An utterly ludicrous, immensely stupid, big bombastic movie. But I love it. Almost as much as I dislike the taking-themselves-far-too-seriously Transformers movies. I am not sure where Peyton went wrong with Atlas considering it had the opportunity to do the same here -- ride of the tail of other movies in the same vein, but do something big and stupid and fun. I mean, Atlas was big and stupid, but a lot of the fun was milked out of it. Not sure how though...
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