Go-Go-Godzilla: #6 Ghidora: The Three-Headed Monster

Japanese Name: San Daikaiju: Chikyu Saidai no Kessen ["Three Giant Monsters: Earth's Greatest Battle"]
Director: Ishiro Honda
Studio: Toho
Year: 1964
Runtime: 92:58 (Japanese version, 84:46 English version)

The Story:
I've just realized that my process for recording the story of these Godzilla films is very much like my usual Hallmarkies breakdowns, where I'm basically writing and editing the summary as I watch the film. The reason I've realized I'm doing it this way is because, like Hallmarkies (especially pre-2020 Hallmarkies when they became more self-aware), they were batshit insane.

But, these have twice the challenge of Hallmarkies since I'm watching them subtitled and so I can only really look away when the action is happening, and isn't that *really* the point of watching Godzilla movies? 

Except, in this case, no, because the wild first 2/3 of the film are monster-fight free, and the fight is mostly dogshit.  This one is all about the build-up. 

Ghidora: The Three-Headed Monster opens with a meteor shower. Reporter Naoko Shindo is embedded with ufo nuts and is trying to take their reports of contact with aliens seriously. Meanwhile, her brother Detective Shindo is assigned the case of protecting Princess Salno of the small republic of Selgina, which is undergoing some internal strife, and her life might be in danger. Except they've already planted a bomb on her plane. But the Princess receives contact from a glowing orb of light who urges her to get out of the plane urgently, which she does, shocking her trusted aides... who promptly die in the explosion moments later.

Professor Miura (who we just saw in Mothra vs. Godzilla) is investigating one of the meteors that landed in the mountains, and is shocked to discover it's both a grower and glow-er. Naoko is sent on assignment to report on a prophetess holding court in public claiming to be from Venus, warning of imminent danger to humanity...Rodan is coming.

 Meanwhile, the siblings Shindo watch TV, an entertainment program spotlighting "where are they now" news stories, and have landed the Shobijin twins, Mothra's dimunitive fairy from Infant Island who are received by the crowd like huge celebrities. They tell the sad news that one of the twin Mothra larvae died, and, seemingly, the other one is depressed.

It seems like 20 minutes of extreme scattershot randomness, until Detective Shindo pieces together that the Venusian woman from the news is actually Princess Salno with amnesia and delusions, but so too does Salno's evil uncle with aspirations of the throne, and sends hitmen after her. Naoko meets with Professor Murai, and her brother joins them for lunch, when Salno's warning of Rodan's coming comes to pass.  Naoko decides to take Salno into her care and the Shobijin join them, as Salno warns of Godzilla's attack on an ocean liner. Surprisingly, this film passes the Bechdel test.

Detective Shindo wards off an assassination attempt on Salno and takes her to a doctor.  Meanwhile, Godzilla and Rodan "fight" and Ghidorah's egg hatches.  The doctor's only conclusion for Salno's condition is there's nothing wrong. Even after hearing the Venusian's story, warning of Ghidorah's destruction of the Venusian civilization 5000 years ago, his only conclusion is electroshock therapy which for some reason Detective Shindo is right on board with. Ghidorah goes on a rampage. The government is freaking out with three different monsters rampaging about. The only useful suggestion on how to tackle the problem, outside of atomic weapons, is to ask for Mothra's help.  The Shobijin doubt Mothra ability to defeat Ghidorah alone... Mothra says the only hope is to try to convince Godzilla and Rodan to team up with her to fight the space creature.

Which is exactly what happens. 

But first, at the clinic, Detective Shindo agrees to electroshock therapy for Salno, but her cruel and inhumane "treatment" is stopped by the monster fight knocking out the power. Then Shindo foils another assassination attempt, with the help of his sister and Prof. Murai. They flee with the rest of the villagers. Ghidorah's rampage is swift, violent, and at least three times more destructive than a Godzilla and Rodan rampage combined.

Yes, Mothra goes to Godzilla and Rodan and asks them for a team up. It goes a little something like this:

"Squeeal."
"Roar."
"Cluck."

The Shobijin interpret the "conversation",

"Don't fight," Mothra says, "let's work together to protect the Earth from King Ghidorah's violence."
Naoko asks if they agree.
"No," the twins reply. "Both Godzilla and Rodan are saying they don't care."
"Damn it. Bastards!" Shindo exclaims.
"Godzilla is saying he has no reason to save humans. 'They are always bullying me.' Rodan agrees with him. 
"Mothra is saying 'Let's forget the past.' Godzilla and Rodan are saying to each other that the other one should apologize. Mothra is still trying to convince them.
"'This Earth is not just for mankind but for everyone.' Mothra is saying 'It is our duty to protect it.' They are getting close to agreeing.
"No! it didn't work," the twins say, crestfallen. "Mothra will have to fight alone."
[it's so stupid]

In another eyerolling twist, the assassins' car is destroyed by Ghidora, but one assassin survives. He takes off into the woods, but also so has Salna. Shindo chases after her. Salno falls off a cliff and bumps her head. A gunfight ensues. Shindo is shot, but the assassin is crushed by falling rocks.

Mothra is no match for Ghidorah alone, but when Godzilla and Rodan have a change of heart, they tag team up and send Ghidorah packing.

Salna's knock on the head cures her insomnia, Fred Flintstone-style, and she makes some goo-goo eyes at Detective Shindo.  The Princess returns home on a plane with the cast seeing her off. The Shobijin return home with Mothra with new BFFs Godzilla and Rodan seeing them off? The End.

The Creatures:
Godzilla, of course. Looks the same as in Mothra vs. Godzilla, except the puppet Godzilla. It has a different head and mouth sculpt, I think. Godzilla behaves like a shitty teenager, quite frankly.  Godzilla's atomic breath is not really animated here at all (must have run out of budget) so only ever looks like mist. The performance of Godzilla has all the energy of a sporting mascot. It's pretty corny.

Rodan looks really really bad. Like a plucked turkey with fingers on the end of its wings. I know it's supposed to be a pterodon-adjacent creature, but it's really ugly. I can't figure out what all the dangly things on its belly are...? Teats?  Rodan's chief weapon is wind, like Mothra last film.

Mothra, still in larval form, is mostly seen in miniature skulking around. Seems to be a new miniature sculpt than in the previous movie as its body is overly segmented, as in each little lump on her body seems to be a different jointed piece. The full size suit form seems the same as the previous film.

Ghidora is a gigantic, golden, three-headed, three-tailed monster sort of Godzilla shaped but wider, with no arms and massive wings that seem broader than either Rodan's or Mothra's. Rather than having lizard skin, Ghidora has scales with each seeming to be intricately pieced on, rather than just sculped into the suit. He fires crooked yellow laser beams from his mouths and they are even more destructive than Godzilla's atomic breath.  He's an impressive looking beast costume, but man does it ever look awful when flying, kicking its legs around, not streamlined at all.

The Shobijin twins return, and are ever so cute. They get multiple costume changes, like they were set up for a whole doll line or something.

The Battles:
(1) The first Godzilla vs. Rodan battle is so stupid, done almost entirely in miniature. Godzilla mists Rodan in the face as it hover's mere inches away from his mouth. His back fins light up once but his breath is only ever mist.  Rodan then pecks Godzilla in the head a half dozen times, and Godzilla's eyes dart back and forth afterwards. I think it's supposed to convey that it made him dizzy, but it's almost more like an eyeroll... as if to say "what am I even doing here?"  And that's the first battle. It's less than a minute at nearly the hour mark.

8 minutes later, the battle continues, as Rodan knocks Godzilla over and we see him struggle to roll himself over like a beetle on its back. Then Rodan picks him up by the back and flies off with him then drops him on some power lines.  

When the fight picks up a few minutes later, Rodan pecks 'zilla on the head a few more times before Godzilla smacks him down out of the air then suplexes him.  He then twerks on Rodan with his tail before Rodan bites it.  He mist Rodan in the face again before Rodan summuns up another winds storm. Godzilla starts kicking rocks at Rodan.  

As Mothra approaches, Godzillas rock kicking turns into a bout of hackey sac as they bounce a boulder back and forth between each other. Mothra sprays silk in Godzilla's face, Rodan squelches, laughing. Then Rodan gets the same treatment and Godzilla slaps his belly in delight. It's so stupid.  I really hate the anthropomorphism of the Kaiju. I worry it's only going to get worse as the Showa era trucks on.

When Mothra fights Ghidorah, she just gets wreck. Ghidora blasts her over and over again, sending her flopping like a fish out of water. Godzilla enters the fight, gets blasted, and tries to grab Ghidorah by the necks, but they're too much, sending him flying into a bridge. Rodan attacks from the air, and Ghidorah chases him. They play aerial chicken and both lose, crashing into one another and careening into the ground. Godzilla starts chucking boulders at Ghidorahs heads (the first time we've seen Godzilla throw things. 

Ghidorah blasts 'zilla in the guts making his tummy feel all funny. Rodan attacks from behind, Godzilla up front, Monthra by the tail, but even altogether they get sent flying. Godzilla gets blasted in the butt. Mothra crawls onto Rodan's back while Godzilla keeps Ghidora busy, and then Mothra starts with the silk spray, binding Ghidora's three heads together much like it bound Godzilla last film.  I don't get how it's such an effective deterrent but it sends Ghidorah packing, flying off into space. Winner: Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra...and friendship!

The Humans:
The humans story dominates the film and it's a rather incredible weaving of a multitude of narratives into something close to a cohesive plot. A very bizzare plot, but these are bizarre movies.

I'm sad our reporter friends from Mothra vs. Godzilla didn't return but it was nice seeing Murai again. I loved the funny little subplot of Naoko's mom and brother thinking Murai was her secret boyfriend, and when her brother tells him, Murai seems neither surprised, nor intrigued, nor amused. He's all business. No time for love.

Friend or Foe:
Godzilla certainly starts out as a foe, in that he emerges from the water only to destroy a boat, but somehow, by the end of the story, he's maybe not the people's champion but his threat level has palpably diminished.

The Sounds:
Godzilla gets some new short roars for when its talking or laughing (ugh). Mothra sounds the same as last time. Rodan makes the same sound as Space Ghost's ship when it travels in the air. Rodan also sort of has a cluck it make which sounds like a mix of clanging two cans together and talking through the Snake Mountain microphone.  Rodan also has a sort of cluck-roar which starts as a squelch of a bird and ends like a lion.

Ghidorah sounds like a trilling raygun effect being pitched one octave higher and lower

Akira Ifukube's score this time seems to be playing on big, brassy 60's superspy soundtracks, only going even bigger and with more menace.  

The Message:
Aliens are real and you should believe in them and also be scared? I dunno.

Rating (out of 5 Zs):
ZZZ - honestly, the first two thirds are pretty great, but the monster fighting is flaming garbage and drags the whole last act down.