I Saw This!! Cleaning House

I Saw This (double exclamation point) is our feature wherein Kent or Toasty attempt to write about a bunch of stuff they watched some time ago and meant to write about but just never got around to doing so. But we can't not write cuz that would be bad, very bad.  Which is weird, considering I need to clean house, so I can have a brief hiatus, so I can just watch, and not with the intent, I have to write about it.

Also, I have Cleaned the Slate, and Cleaned out the Cupboards, but have I ever Cleaned House?

The other weird thing is that I gathered these all into a I Saw This!! post as it is usually used to write short bits about a bunch of stuff I am forgetting. But I wrote enough for each, to warrant their each own original post. Why? Who knows. But as you know, this blog, for me, is as much writing about writing the blog as it is about the movies, TV and other pop culture sources we watch to feed the blog. Just not after midnight.

See How They Run, 2022, Tom George (This Country) -- Disney+

Loved the trailers, chuckled out loud at a few quips and pratfallish jokes, was expecting a movie full of fun, whit, those kind of movies that I am waxing nostalgic on these days, the kind rented from Video Stores on Friday night for the entire family to watch. I guess I got much of that, but not a whole lot of the humour hit home for me. More puns were needed, I guess.

The elevator pitch for this movie must have been fun. It's a WhoDunnit based around one of the most famouse (wow, Freudian 'e') WhoDunnits, "The Mouse Trap". For those who don't know, this famous play has been running in London's west end, from 1952 until The Pause ... paused it. The movie has a murder take place during the celebrations of its 100th performance. That brings in Inspector Stoppard (I assume he's a Tom; Sam Rockwell, Moon) and the incredibly eager fledgling Constable Stalker (Saoirse Ronan, Hanna; ten bonus points for spelling her first name correctly the first time!). The humour comes from the interactions between the two police folk, and a few of suspects, especially once every one starts comparing the act of investigating a murder against the tropes and trappings of the WhoDunnit they are all so intimate with.

Unfortunately, "not cheeky enough" is also my determination, to quote Kent's post. I just wished that every joke fell as charmingly and disarmingly as Stalker's observation, "It's all downhill from there," after describing the victim being hit in the face with a ski. You see, the character cannot help herself from jumping to conclusions (the running gag which mostly loses steam) but also quipping about every thing. To be honest, more quips! That said, the underlying stories (Stalker trying to break through the glass ceiling, Stoppard's familial woes) are interesting, but just not interesting... enough.

Troll, 2022, Roar Uthaug (The Wave) -- Netflix

OMG I loved this, but more for the campy, tongue firmly in cheek manner in which he chose to direct the movie, than the actual plot. You see, its a rather intentional by-the-numbers plot but its the Michael Bay Norway Method he chose to execute the movie that makes it so much fun. Oh, and the fact that we get to see a troll kaiju stomping through Oslo.

That said, I cannot help but compare it to the earlier flick with pretty much the same premise, Troll Hunter, in that real life & giant trolls make themselves known to the world. In much the way most kaiju movies begin, circumstances awaken a troll, in shadowy and unclear visuals, which forces The Government (of Norway) to reach out to a panel of experts, including paleontologist Nora Tidemann, whose father is a disgraced scientist who was convinced trolls were real. Not sure why a paleontologist is of use to this investigation, but of course, she's the only one to notice the big arm in the blurry protestor footage (they were digging a tunnel through protected mountains) so they bring her along when they follow the path of destruction and big ol footprints. 

Its on its way to Oslo! Call in military! Find a way to defeat it! Smashy smashy helicopters who get closer than they should! All the familiar kaiju fight maneuvers and failures are dragged out, as the big thing galumphs his way towards the city, which they, of course, are able to miraculously empty out before the big guy stomps his way through. There is a back story as to why he is on his way to Oslo, and a redemptive arc for her father, who was right all along. And some tragedy. And lots of Baysplosions. 

Uthaug has a LOT of fun.

Bullet Train, 2022, David Leitch (Dead Pool 2) -- download/Amazon

Speaking of having a lot of fun, Brad Pitt (Fury) tries his hand at being John Wick, but without all  the angst and dead puppies, but with all the violent, colourful characters and massive body count.

Pitt is Ladybug, another aging, angsty hitman attempting to hang his guns up. His handler tasks him with retrieving a mcguffin from a bullet train leaving Tokyo, which ends up full of other colourfully named assassins, and yakuza thugs, in a plot/conspiracy all tied together in a confusing, often frustrating knot. This is Leith wanting to do what Tarantino has done in the past, albeit with even more glitz and confetti, but more often just leaves us as confused as Ladybug spends most the movie.

To be honest, despite the morass of badly convoluted plot points, which leave me not even attempting to recap, the movie is a whole lot of fun. Well, fun scene by scene. Veteran Pitt is able to carry the movie along, ever convincing as a reluctant killer on a streak of incredibly bad luck, and even worse luck which he transfers to others around him, which... well, strangely benefits him. But yeah, all colour and action and reserved quipping. But it does not succeed in what it is attempting to be, which is to become a new cultural phenom generating sequels, which considering the Japanese novel source material, is readily available.