3 Short Paragraphs: GI Joe: Retaliation

2013, John M Chu (The LXD, Step Up 3D) -- download

From dance movies to franchise action movies? I get the director's transition... no, no I don't but who am I to decide how the suits move the popular franchise onward in a way the first movie didn't. The first movie was terrible, but it really didn't affect me. I am not a Joe... do GI Joe fans even have a nickname? If not, there it is. Go Joes. Anywayz, I was not broken up the first movie was terrible, as I have no childhood attachment to the subject matter. But I am always up for a genre action movie with some semblance of budget.

This is supposed to be a sequel and reboot of the first movie, dispensing with most of the characters (by killing them off which is an... odd choice) but hanging onto Channing Tatum's Duke for a short time to complete the transfer of authority. Actually, it was even longer than intended. I can remember the posters for this movie being all over Manhattan in the summer of 2012, claiming a July release date. It was Christmas before I wondered where the movie went.  Apparently Tatum's popularity demanded they expand his role. He still dies but more screen time brought the fans of his striptease to this movie, I guess. Makes complete sense to me. O_O

I am not sure why they had to kill the majority of the characters to reboot the franchise, as they could have easily just used alternate characters in a tight little plot that didn't involve the characters focused on in the first. But no, this is a big, flashy SaveTheWorld plot involving Zartan masquerading as the President of the United States and threatening to destroy the world. Of course, to accomplish the reboot, team GI Joe has to die. All of them, who apparently all were camped at a forward operating base which was obliterated. I would have assumed SOME would still be hanging out in fancy bases but I can only guess that any who survived were arrested and are locked away somewhere. So it leaves one tiny team to save the world. Plenty of action and explosions and mooks killed by ninjas, which might be all it needed to make the fans happy. I was very meh. But at least it wasn't terrible.