3 Short Paragraphs: Branded

2012, Jamie Bradshaw and Aleksandr Dulerayn -- download

It seems I am not the only one who fell for the advertising of this full of itself movie about the power of advertising, post cold war idealism, allegorical destiny and pretentious nonsense.  We all saw the trailers and posters on these specfic blogs, showing weird wibbly-wobbly creatures growing out of people's heads, that nobody but the main character can see, and it is some how connected to advertising.  Nouveau They Live indeed.  Yeah, but that is not this movie.  That was just the shill.

OK, it is  about the power of advertising.  Misha is a genius ad exec in Russia who lives by the core ideal that Lenin created advertising, in its modern conception. He is wrapped up in a skinniness-sells TV show that goes wrong and puts the contestant into a coma.  But really, what is happening behind the scenes is that Big Burger (you know, like Big Oil) has hired a James Bond reject-villain (Max von Sydow) who will manipulate the world sentiment and not only return us to eating burgers, but flip the tables so soundly that we will eat nothing but burgers will suffice.  It is not about eating what you want, but embracing gluttony.  And it works.  So our hero runs away to the countryside and ritualistically kills a cow.

That was the first half of the movie.  When our hero returns we get the wibbly-wobbly alien blobs attached to heads.  Apparently they are doing the burgers-are-good-for-you convincing, or at least he thinks.  We never really know.  Surrealism?  Maybe.  Absurdity?  Really.  As a hero it is now his job to again flip the table (but fast food tables are secured to the floor you say?) and find some way to make burgers Evil.  He is an advertising genius who sacrificed a cow, so he is ready.  It works, and really don't whine about spoilers because you will not / should not see this movie.  It works and villain-reject is killed by a spear of destiny come lightning bolt.  Poof.  Dust.  Gah, what clap trap.