Christmas Wrapp-upp-ing

I wound up watching 25 holiday movies over a roughly 6 week span, the majority of those being Hallmark movies.  While having the day-by-day trade off with Toast in recapping these televisual abominations was actually a tremendous amount of fun, something started weighing on me well before Christmas day actually hit.

The first thing was I started unintentionally saying "Merry Christmas" to people instead of "Happy Holidays", and this was a direct effect of consuming so much Hallmark.  Back in my teenage years, I trained myself to say "Happy Holidays" to people, knowing that Christmas is not a universally celebrated holiday.  Saying "Happy Holidays" is inclusive, and doesn't cast assumptions upon other people (or feel like a push).  It's got nothing to do with a "war on Christmas" because there never, ever was such a thing. FAKE NEWS!  The war on Christmas was a construct of the far-right to try (and succeed) at sewing division, and painting anyone who doesn't celebrate as "other".  The "war on Christmas" was really the start of far right wing war on anyone who doesn't fit their white, hetero, Christian mold.


I don't think Hallmark, as a company, is necessarily a "right wing" company, but their television output certainly services that community and their more puritanical sensibilities to a fault.  A Salon article release on December 25 this year paints Hallmark movies as fascist propaganda, and while it does certainly makes its case, I think it is also quite a stretch.  Hallmark's intention isn't outright to exclude people and groups from their programming, instead they're trying to slowly defrock Christmas of its religious meaning, making it a universal holiday for everyone to celebrate.

And if Hallmark is trying to "universalize" Christmas, it's for one reason: profit.  This is a company who makes most of its money from Christmas related items, whether it's greeting cards or ornaments or decorations, it's products are ubiquitous leading into Christmas and almost forgotten the rest of the year.  If they want to grow their business, they need to grow their audience, and to grow their audience, convincing people that Christmas is now really a non-denominational holiday is their approach.

The next thing was the realization that I was no longer consuming Hallmark movie ironically. I mean, I understand perfectly that they are terrible, TERRIBLE movies.  Even the very best of them couldn't really be put up on the big screen in a theatrical situation.  They're cheap and wonky by design, and aren't meant to hold up to any real artistic standards.  But once you start taking them together as a whole, as a genre on their you, you start looking at them in relation to one another and some definitely float to the top where the remainder mostly sink.  Knowing this, and then consuming based on this knowledge is somewhat depressing.  I was enjoying Hallmark movies for their awfulness... I never wanted to examine them for what made them good (and what makes any aspect of them good, 90% of the time, is the personality of the performer, like Ashley Williams or Nikki DeLoach, but even their charms are often not enough for a terribly conceived, written, or directed movie).

It's only been the past two or three years that Hallmark's Christmas movie output has seemed to explode.  I think this is the same reason why superhero movies are dominating the box office and fantasy has exploded on TV.  It's all escapism.  There's nothing tangibly real about most Hallmark movies.  There's nothing remotely honest about them.  Grown-ass men and women in their 30's, 40's and 50's mincing around dating and romance and relationships like pre-teens, not a hint of sexuality or, in so many cases, any tangible emotional connection.  It's all escapist, otherworldly clap-trap.  And there's comfort in that.  You can get lost in the goofy surrealism of it all (and I have), and the rote repetition.  Pop culture critic Emily Van Der Werff wrote an amazing article about Hallmark and their recent Christmas Convention in New Jersey, but among their most salient points raised by Christmas TV expert Joanna Wilson was this:

We return to the same programs year after year, whether it’s Rudolph, whether it’s Charlie Brown Christmas, whether it’s the Grinch, whether it’s It’s a Wonderful Life. Hallmark movies, even if they’re new, they’re old. They’re the same. That’s the point.”

And that's the nail on the head.  Hallmark has figured out a Formula with a capital "F".  The best Hallmark will keep you watching, and even entertained, the worst of them are even more entertaining for their awfulness, and the middling ones are as acceptable holiday background as the Fireplace Channel.

The above linked articles do highlight my unease with falling into the Hallmark trap.  The insidiousness of it is not exactly fascistic (maybe a little) but capitalism at its most disgustingly brazen. Buy more gifts, send more cards, add more decorations, bake more, eat more, watch more, consume consume consume.

I don't know if I just need a break or if I've basically broken myself from Hallmark movie output at this point.  I may dip back in throughout the year when I need some "comfort food", but then I don't know if I can take comfort in this product anymore.  Having consumed so much this year my eyes are very wide open to its faults, and I don't know if I can look past those enough to continue to enjoy them.

Maybe I need to look outside the Hallmark mold, focus on Lifetime, Netflix and other channel outputs that are daring to work in a different, less structured, less comfortable, less exclusionary formulae.
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That said, following our Toast and Kent's X-Mas Advent Calendar experiment, here's what I loved this year:

Ashley Williams - in roles old (Christmas In Evergreen 2017), and very old (Snow, Snow 2), and even a charming performance in a terribly stupid new one (Holiday Hearts), she has such wonderfully delightful energy that makes her kind of perfect for terrible movies like these.

Vanessa Hudgens - Hallmark has their "Christmas princesses"... quite a few of them at this point, but Netflix has one of their own.  If we're doing a Christmas Advent Calendar again next year, I'll want to start with a Hudgen Netflix picture.  Plus, Netflix puts quality production value into their films, they don't adhere to formulae as rigidly, there's sparks of sexuality, and they connect their movies in very delightful ways.

The Christmas Club - Hallmark's most enjoyable movie this year.  The leads, Elizabeth Mitchell and Cameron Matheson had real chemistry that made them utterly delightful to watch every single moment.  It's still not a great movie, but I just adored the sparks between these two.

Evergreen - through one okay film and two very middling ones, I have really grown to like this silly little town where Christmas is the be-all and end-all.  Seeing the same cast year after year (even though I watched all three this year) really gives the sense of community and provides a true sense of continuity that no other Hallmark-esque Christmassy thing seems to have.  If I go back to Hallmark next year for one thing, it will be for Evergreen.  FOR EVERGREEN!

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 24

No Time Like Christmas, 2019, Jeff Beesley (Canadian TV) -- live on CityTV

ed. note: Most of these watched live, would be in bits & pieces like in Kent's followup post, brought to you by the magic of Christmas time.

This is a Lifetime movie which I was able to catch live on Xmas Eve, at the key point (end of a long day) when I could acrtually pay attention; mostly. Woo hoo for me.

Emma (Kyla Pratt, The Christmas Pact) is working for an ad agency in The Big City. She is assigned the job to come up with a new ad campaign for a lucrative client's new designer watch. She has been with the agency for 13 years as a copywriter but was solely responsible for the success of the their last big campaign. I doubt anyone writing this movie knows how ad campaigns are done, nor what copywriters do, nor how opposite-of-successful thirteen years in the same role is. Maybe they never wanted this campaign to succeed, and just wanted to blame its failure on the go-nowhere girl that the client asked about. Either way, Emma is saddled with it. And its due Xmas Eve. Who gives an agency 16 days to complete a major campaign? Dick, Dick Client.

At the same time Emma's sister gives her a stay at the Inn in their home PST. Almost two weeks of quiet, away from the office, will allow her to focus on the work required. And there are no ulterior motives, nope none, nuh uh. So, whens he runs into her ex (Edward Ruttle, Christmas Lost & Found), a man who is now a successful playwright living in the UK, a man who's wife passed away (take a shot) not so long ago. I guess when they are doing these movies, they have to consider the amount of time between the passing and the expected re-kindling of romantic feelings, and shove the two characters together in that key period of time before they run into someone else.

Also, some side plot or plot hook, involves Emma finding the watch she gave her Ex in college. And the guy who sells it to her keeps on appearing in different roles, like a Magic Santa but with no connection to Santa at all. In fact, the connection to Xmas in this movie is tenuous, as if they just had a generic romance plot and had to shoehorn it into Xmas season.

Anywayz, as is typical of these, Emma should be focusing on the job she was assigned, but she cannot help but keep on re-connecting with her ex, and his oh so cute daughter. BTW, Ex and daughter, are in town for the charity production of his latest play, something about a magical watch and Xmas. And this will be the last play produced in the hometown theatre, as well as the last point for their local Xmas Event (take a shot, but to be honest, by this time I was already tippling Port). Also, I think the Mayor / Innkeeper will be closing the Inn. Budget cuts, something or other. All doom & gloom, PST woes.

That is until Emma, while trying to not-work-on-actual-job ends up sending the script of the play & her poster to the Dick Client. He assumes, since its WATCH related, that it must be his campaign. He loves it! Kind of weird that that its in play format, but when Emma pitches that they will actually produce the play and he can connect to it via social media, he LOVES it.

So, Emma and her Ex are supposed to be reconnecting, but the reason they broke up in the first place was that she put career before personal life. I cannot say that is working out for her -- remember, 13 years in same entry level job. So, when she presents the accidental idea of his play being her ad campaign, he freaks Not because she just stole his intellectual property as her own, which would end up being given entirely over to her agency, but because it appears she is once again putting work ahead of their re-budding relationship. He gets pouty, yells a bit and fumes off. She gets pouty, dresses in cute PJs and mopes a whole lot more, once again not actually working on the campaign.

That is, until the night of the play, and there is a Big Storm, and the two leads of the play are unable to appear, while Dick Client, who is really not much of a dick afterall, can actually fly in on time, Emma and her Ex have to stand in as the mains. The Play, well .... is there a play? All we see is a song, a single song, with her in a Red Dress singing her lost-love song (which she wrote!!) and him going off-script to say he loves her as well. And also Dick Client doesn't want to be upstaged (pun intended) so he jumps in and Saves the Day by funding the theatre, Inn, town, etc. forever and happily ever after.

The Draw: It was on. I was in front of the TV. I had no pressing things that needed being done.

The Formulae: PST, but with little Xmas themes about it. A Dead Wife, though little connection to our female lead. An Xmas Event, but it was not really Xmas themed. There was some tree decorating and some fake snow and a Red Dress, but wow, this movie may have hit many buttons for a Hallmarky movie, but few for being actually Xmas based.

Unformulae: See above.

True Calling? Only in order to make a pun with telling time, i.e. watches.

The Rewind: Nothing worth watch, but I couldn't anyway, as it was live. But there was that bit where we were supposed to be encountering her lovely voice and all I could think was, "Migawd, she's a terrible singer..."

The Regulars: This is from one of the competitors for Hallmark, the Lifetime Channel, but this was Pratt's second such flick. Ruttle has done a lot of Canadian TV, and like Pratt, ends up doing one more of these movies, but actually for Hallmark and once again directed by Beesley. The trend of doing exactly one more Xmas Hallmark-y movie continues through most of the cast.

How does it Hallmark? A Hall-mockbuster? Lifetime obviously wants to reap the coin that these movies are generating. But... wow, this movie barely tried. The formulas are there for a reason, and even if we ignore the minimal attempt at connecting to such, the leads had no connection, no chemistry and there was very very little cuteness or emotion to this flick.

How does it movie? Uhh. So much no. For one, the acting was noticeably bad, and considering the genre it was in, that is saying a lot. The holes in the plot were astounding, with so much of it strung together with a "just because" as to why the story would go from A to B. So bad.

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 23

A Toast to Hallmarkent:
Christmas in Evergreen: Tidings of Joy (2019, Hallmark)

The Story:
On the previously established single train from NYC into Evergreen, Vermont, Katie bumps into Ben on the train. Katie is a writer taking a vacation in Evergreen, but also looking for inspiration for her next novel.  Ben was born and raised in Evergreen, but left for a time to be a journalist in Chicago.  So, you know, they get each other.

Katie enters town and beings to roam looking for a cel phone charger (because she dropped hers bumping into Ben on the train), in utter awe of the most Christmassy place on earth.  She bumps into Michelle who is now mayor, ex-mayor Ezra (who is moving to Boston), and Allie's dad.  On her way to the general store she runs into Allie (Evergreen 1's protagonist) giving Lisa (Evergreen 2's protagonist) pills for the dogs she's looking after while Allie and Ryan are in Paris for Christmas.  Lisa, who has lost ALL of her badass cool and style from Evergreen 2 gives Katie a cel phone charger and a free hat (the ones Hannah makes).  Allie calls Lisa out on being a terrible business owner.

Hannah gives Katie a lift to the Megan's B&B where they run into Elliott hanging decorations. Katie comments on the sparks that are flying between Hannah and Elliott and Hannah blushes but dismisses it.  Elliott's just her best friend from childhood.  Katie then makes her way to the library, run by Nan (Ben's foster mother), where Ben's doing story hour with the town's dozen children.  David, the town's only teenager, shows up leading Katie and Ben to the Kringle Kitchen for the Historical Society meeting, where she encounters the snow globe.  Discussion of a lost "Christmas time capsule" seeds the big catch for the film.  It was hidden in town by Hannah's parents and Allie's grandparents, but seemingly nobody knows where it is. Seemingly.  Allie interrupts to say goodbye for Christmas, and the well wishes and hugs she gets from family, friends and neighbours really solidifies the sense of community that Evergreen has established.

Ben's very wary that Katie's out to write a hit piece on Evergreen, noting that people just aren't cynical here.  From the outside, the Xmas obsession may seem like a joke, but it's the town's identity and he's worried of the outside world tainting it.  They're interrupted by a scream from the KK Cafe (whoof, close one there) where Hannah has dropped the snow globe!!!  (Nick, whose beard looks more and more fake each year, "accidentally" bumped her)

She takes the snow globe to Elliott (who now runs the craft center/repair shop her parents used to own) to see if he can't repair it and they start their love journey which, surprisingly, takes up almost as much screen time as the Katie/Ben, but is actually 10 times more effective.  It's really, really great.  The side trip to the glass-making place (to make the new dome for the snow globe) finds Elliott and Hannah having their own sensual pottery-scene-from-Ghost-moment.  It's probably the sexiest a Hallmark movie has ever gotten.  It's very, very intimate.  As they repair the snow globe, they find under the model sleigh that was in the snow globe a painted on key.  What could that mean?  A mystery is afoot, but young David, who is all about mysteries involving keys, is on the case.

A cookie baking montage leads to Nan giving David a few more clues as to the secret of the time capsule's whereabouts.  A visit to Henry Miller's tree farm finds the sleigh which was the inspiration for the one in the snow globe, which leads David to look underneath and find a secret apartment containing a key.  Later, Hot Mom looks at one of the photos Nan gave David and they find a keyhole, which, obviously fits the key David found under the sleigh.  They turn the key and all the wooden slats of the building fall away (in absurd CGI fashion) to reveal a two-story high advent calendar.  Nan and Nick were instigating the discovery of the capsule, for years teasing it out, all to make sure it's revealed on December 1st on its 50th anniversary.

This is about 40 minutes/half way into the film and what was a tedious and seemingly pointless film suddenly sparks to life.  The town gathers as Mayor Michelle opens the first advent calendar box (which is made of fiberboard and has slidey drawers, neither of which existed like this 50 years ago).

As the story goes, the town came together in a snow storm and decided to build a time capsule.  It so unified the town, that they decided to make Christmas their thing and use the capsule to ensure the spark of unity in town was maintained.  The town gathers every day, drawing a name from a hat to see who opens the calendar.  In a smarter movie, the advent calendar would have been revealed early in the film and the film's structure would take place around opening it and providing something meaningful to characters and the town.  Alas, they kind of montage over much of it, just pausing for brief moments meaningful to the major characters in town.

Early complication has Ben find a rough draft of an article Katie is writing about for her mother's big time business magazine, but as usual these complications are easily put to rest and the characters move on.  I hate that these films spend so much time setting up big complications only to find they're so trivially resolved, but at the same time, the resolution of these complications really should just take an adult conversation between two mature people.

While adding glitter to the snow globe with Elliott, Hannah finds her mother's long lost wedding ring (which is actually her engagement ring, people!).  Her excitement brings her and Elliott close to kissing.  It's a rather sweet moment.  Thomas returns from business early to surprise Michelle, providing a beautiful coda to the oversimplified love story they got in Evergreen 2.  Later Hannah gives her brother the newly found mom ring, you know, in case he has need for it.

I've never care so little about the A-plot of a Hallmark movie...the Katie and Ben love story is so superfluous to the things happening in town to characters we already know and like.  They sit together and talk over Katie's story when she informs Ben she's going back to NYC the next day.  In a well played moment, it's obvious to both this relationship isn't going to progress, despite the attraction.  They go out caroling with Nan and Hannah and Elliott, which is the worst caroling I've ever seen (mostly in the fact that it's the cast singing, but they play terrible prerecorded singing over top of it...it's an abomination).  At the Christmas marshmallow roast, Ben and Katie have a kind of tepid moment, Hannah and Elliott have a sweet moment, and Thomas and Michelle have a very beautiful moment.

After building snowmen, Katie heads back to NYC.  "Bye!" the townspeople say without any sense of connection or familiarity.  Hannah meanwhile runs into Elliott at the church, where he's playing a beautiful song on the piano.  They have an intimate moment after they sit down and play a rendition of "Heart And Soul" but as "Oh Christmas Tree" where they tell each other that they like each other, but are nervous about what it may do to their friendship.

Meanwhile, in NYC, who cares.

Days later, Ben is in NYC for a job interview and he has lunch with Katie, and she brings him to her mom's magazine holiday party. They share a kiss before he leaves, a sign of what could have been....

With 20 minutes left to go, they introduce the Cooper sisters (played by the creepy old lady twins from Netflix's A Series of Unfortunate Events).  They don't get a speaking role but in the coda Katie intones that they will be at the center of next year's Evergreen tale.

On the final advent calendar day, there's a stack of savings bonds which have accrued after 50 years, giving the town a sudden influx of resources (which Ezra says should be enough to perhaps build another road into town).  Nan and Nick hook up, and Nick's taking over Ben's job at the library so he can go get a big city job and be with Katie, who has returned to Evergreen with her mom to spend Christmas.  They kiss, and Ben gets a job interview at her mom's magazine.

At the Christmas Festival, David gets to open the last gift, and he cedes his time to his Dad to propose to Michelle.  It's a clumsy and awkward proposal, which kind of makes it good, but also a little shoehorned in when it could have been a much bigger, better moment.

Katie notes in the closing moment that Ben moved to New York a few months later and she wrote her second book which was literally just the first two Evergreen movies, with the tease of the twins story being her next book and next year's movie.  The end.


The Draw:
I said I would watch all three of these, and so I did. 

The Formulae:
Well, the big city girl going to the Perfect Small Town, of course. As well as cookie baking/decorating.  Seasonal traditions/activities (snowman building/skating).

Unformulae:
Honestly, because we're in sort of franchise mode, this one falls out of formulae pretty nicely.  I mean the fact that Katie didn't move to Evergreen and, in fact, took someone OUT of Evergreen with her is pretty groundbreaking.
Plus, Hannah and Elliott and Thomas and Michelle, as persons of colour, get rather great, well written story lines in this one, not just the dashed off afterthought like Thomas and Michelle in the last entry.  As far as romance goes, their stories as B and D plots (with the advent calendar being the C-plot) are quite exceptional and very romantic.  I'm still bummed that Hannah and Michelle aren't being brought together as a couple but this serves them both very well.  It puts them both as central figures in Evergreen and not just in token roles.  Even young David has become an integral part of the town, on his way to being town historian.
The advent calendar and how it unifies the town is a really cool concept.  It's perhaps underutilized but when they do use it, it creates some really sweet moments, like for Hot Mom and ex-mayor Ezra.


True Calling?
I think it should have been called Evergreen's Christmas Advent Calendar, but this is fine.  There aren't really "tidings" in it (definition of tiding - "the announcement of an event or occurrence not previously made known").

The Rewind:
Watching that wall fall away. They tried to make it look like there was some actual mechanism at play.


via GIPHY


The Regulars:
Obviously all the townspeople are regulars now.  Holly Robinson Peete and Rukiya Bernard both get well deserved bumps in this one (and Robinson Peete gets her own Hallmark lead this year, finally, in  A Family Christmas Gift.

Veteran Hallmark star Maggie Lawson is the ostensible lead in this one, and she's fine, but I don't think I've been less interested in a lead character who wasn't from Full House.  She's not an interesting character.  She's basically an outsider's gateway into Evergreen.  She brings nothing to the table, not like Allie or Lisa in previous years.

Paul Greene is also a veteran Hallmark lead and he too is fine, most of the time.  At times it seems like he's doing really, really bad improv, especially when he's responsible for exposition or a scene transition.  His character's connection to Evergreen brings a bit more to the story than Katie, but really beyond introducing Nan as another integral part of town, he brings little to enhance the town.  Really, this film could have been built entirely without these two characters.

How does it Hallmark?
It's so Hallmark, but it's the good kind of Hallmark which doesn't just rest on its cliches.  Evergreen is now a sweet damn community that I'm surprised myself I'm keen to revisit next year.  What's up with them twins?

How does it movie?
Oh, this is way to poorly plotted to be a real movie, but like I said last time, it's a good "Evergreen Annual", a nice place to visit for 84 minutes.

How does it snow?
I think there's real snow, mixed with cotton batting and fake snow.  It's obviously late-season, maybe mid-spring given how everyone walks around with their collars undone or jackets open.

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 22

Dear Santa, 2011, Jason Priestly (Fallen Hearts) -- Netflix

P.S. Kent, I missed the opening scene with glitter spurting Santa. I think it was intentional that I looked down, seeking to avoid it.

*ahem*

Crystal Carruthers (Amy Acker, Dollhouse) is a socialite, a ditzy non-blonde who hasn't worked a day in her life and lives off her parents money. While standing in front of the Perfect Red Dress (Red Dress!!) pondering how good it would look on her, an errant (magical?) wind blows a bunch of letters out of Mr Postman's hands, with one ending up in hers. Mr Postman doesn't seem to care he just lost a bunch of letters, and she barely tries to tell him. And of course, her first thought is to open it. Uhhh, isn't that a Federal Offense? Anywayz, the letter is the perfect Selfless Little Girl letter where she asks for a new mommy, for her daddy. Mom has been dead (take a shot) for a few years and Daddy is just sad. Oh Santa, can't you help?

Now, Crystal has been threatened by Mumsy & Daddy with being cut-off if she doesn't find a job or a man. Wow. Talk about anti-feminist. She can replace earning a living by living off another person? How is that much removed from what she is doing now? Anywayz, she gets the (horrible) idea of hooking up with Sad Dad (David Haydn-Jones, Supernatural). Seriously, this is a horrible premise.

Somehow she tracks down where Sad Dad and Selfless Little Girl live, even though there is no return address on the letter. Apparently reverse-lookup is That Good these days. But find them she does, a blue collar dad and a lovely little girl. She stalks them for a bit and ends up at the Soup Kitchen where he works. She caught sneaking in the back door, so immediately pretends to be a volunteer. The thing is, she doesn't immediately cringe from interacting with the homeless. She might be a Little Rich Girl and fish out of water, but she doesn't seem to mind so much. And thus begins her Quest to Become New Mom.

So, this movie is shot in Calgary. Pro? Real snow. This is real winter. Con? Its not NYC and I am pretty sure, they don't even bother saying what city they are supposed to be in. C'mon, not even the license plates pretend to be that NYC, and considering she is supposed to be a trust fund style party girl, she wouldn't actually own an SUV. So, I began to pretend that this was in a Mystical Canada where the major Canadian cities are the size of all American cities of fiction.

Crystal begins working at the soup kitchen on a regular basis, gets a new Gay BFF, Pete (Patrick Creery, Canadian TV) and actually makes friends with the homeless folks attending the place. Crystal also meets Selfless Little Girl, Olivia (Emma Duke) and Sad Dad's GF, Jillian. Jillian is a Dick Girlfriend, only interested in Sad Dad because she didn't get him in college, cuz Angel Dead Mom swept in and stole him away. But Dead Mom means Sad Dad is ripe for the picking. Ick. We all hate Jillian, and Crystal sizes her up almost immediately and Jillian sees a definite rival in Crystal.

Amy is playing Crystal in pretty much the way she initially played Fred in Angel, all cutesy and doe-eyed. The little girl voice is not exactly endearing, but Amy sure is. And her character is actually likeable despite this weird purpose to the whole charade, which is not really a charade once she puts her heart into it. Yeah, I bought in. Crystal is nice, nice to Sad Dad, nice and really, truly friends with Selfless Little Girl and actually caring about the homeless who attend the shelter. She actually knows their names.

Now, Sad Dad is thinking about Doing the Right Thing and marrying Jillian so that Olivia can have a new mom. He doesn't catch on that Olivia doesn't like Jillian, and maybe that doesn't matter. He also is ignoring his growing feelings for Crystal, and doesn't catch onto the fact that she and his daughter are actually becoming close. But Jillian cannot have any of that, which ends up leading for a pancake batter fight (maybe waffles?) and the discovery of the letter in Crystal's purse. Why is she carrying it around? Who knows...

There is a great montage scene where Crystal and Olivia bond over buying the girl new clothes, while Sad Dad looks on like all Dads & Hubbies relegated to sitting idly by as their women shop. The music chosen here just really shows how little a budget has; its the level of YouTube royalty free music for unboxing of fishing home security systems. But I suppose I should have caught the low budget nature with the opening credits, where they use a bright green Crayon font, a font choice that makes Comic Sans look stylish.

Edit: Ohhhhhhh, its supposed to be the font a child would use when writing a letter to Santa. D'oh.

So, letter found, and Sad Dad crushed. Yes, he now knows Crystal is stalking him. He doesn't ask why, and really, could there be a good answer? "I was looking for a quick hubbie to satisfy my Mumsy, so she would continue to pay all my bills." And Crystal knows this, as she sort of just collapses in on herself, eyes overly full with tears. This was no one's fault but her own. But really, it was all Dick GF's fault.

On a side note, Sad Dad runs the above soup kitchen but she's not doing so well. The bank is foreclosing and locking the doors on Xmas Day. Evil bank!! I just assumed Crystal would dip into whatever massive fund she draws on to pay off everything, or maybe even just buy the building he is renting. But no, its a lot less dramatic and simply spelled out. Mumsy sends Crystal one last allowance check which matches the amount Sad Dad owes, and they are able to open again on Xmas Day. Also, Crystal finds absolutely devastated Olivia, when she runs away from Sadder Dad, and sees that Crystal has been doing all of this not from an original agenda, but from her real heart. Sad Dad forgives Crystal and they kiss. Sad Dad no more!

So, back at the shelter, re-opened and welcoming in the Ever Elusive Homeless Man, everyone has their Xmas Dinner and they live happy ever after.

The Draw: Amy Acker! And also I am kind of a fan of the re-imagined Jason Priestly, having seen a number of his directed genre TV episodes.

The Formulae: Dead Mom is the primary element. I will not commit to calling this NYC, so who knows where this is set, because it ain't no New Yawk I know. There is a Dick Significant Other, though I believe this might be the first one where its a woman, that I have seen. I imagine there has to be more than one of these that uses the idea of a little girl who needs a new mom, as all the Dead Moms cannot be sans-kids.

Unformulae: So, to get this off my chest, the Red Dress may be there, but it doesn't serve the Honourable Purpose that all Red Dresses are supposed to serve. Still, it was a kind of sexy Red Dress. There was no Xmas Event, not even an Xmas Fair. There is no tension to kick off their meeting, unless you count deception as tension. And, as Kent points out, Gay Best Friends are not that common, in fact Gay Anyone is not a thing in Hallmarkland. Shame on them; I bet there could be a BIG market for sappy formulaic gay romance movies.

True Calling? Yes there is a letter, and it is addressed to Santa. But no Santa plays out.

The Rewind: Nothing was quite remarkable enough for me to seek a rewind, but those Mumsy in Front of Greenscreen Vacations were worth a chuckle each and every time. I honestly don't think Mumsy was on vacation at all, just hiding out in her own house and not really wanting Crystal impinging upon her Mumsy Time.

The Regulars: I didn't recognize any, but cheating and just reading Kent's bit: Sad Dad, from Saskatchewan, has been in a few. And Crystal's BFF, who had a more minor role than usual for BFFs, is in one from ... 2005, The Christmas Blessing, which (OMG) stars Neil Patrick Harris (pre-gay?) which is apparently the sequel (a proper sequel?!?!) to The Christmas Shoes. I might have to dig that one up. And finally, Dick GF, Gina Holden has been in a bunch.

How does it Hallmark? So, more heart warming than most make it More Hallmark or Less Hallmark? It didn't follow the usual formula, so not so much, I guess.

How does it movie? No, not really. Nope.

(Bonus) How does it snow? Real Canadian winter snow!! Calgary snow!!  Actual snow banks, slush and snow plows (A++)

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 21

A Toast to Hallmarkent:
Christmas In Evergreen: Letters to Santa (2018, Hallmark)

We start as the Evergreen movies start, with Santa reading from a storybook, only now it's a sentient storybook that wants to rush ahead.  "Our story" opens with "Jazzy rendition of "12 Days of Christmas" where we find Lisa and Oliver setting up Christmas merchandise in a store in "Boston".  It's a very confusing opening.  Are they a couple?  Is this their store?  They start talking about opening their own store some day...so... are they just...shopping?  It's weird, an absolutely terrible opening IMO.  And at first I don't like Oliver at all...he's got a fakey smile and v-neck sweater with no shirt underneath, and a slicked-back haircut which, in Hallmark movies, usually signifies the Dick Boyfriend/Fiance.  But they seem to be getting along very well.  So confusing.  In walks Polly, who is effusing praise on the (non?)couple. Ohhhh! It's her store and they're like interior decorators but for stores, helping improve flow and appearance and whatnot.  Polly is impressed and lets them know she's opening two more locations of whatever this shit is she's selling, she just needs to find the storefront spaces.  Lisa and Oliver are on their way...they figure three more years and they will have a store of their own?  But selling what? The very best in home decoration and design.  Erm, ok.

Not *quite* a screenshot of someone's phone, but there's an insert
of a screenshot of someone's phone.

Also, it becomes clear that Oliver is the gay BFF...well, "clear" for Hallmark, which doesn't really want to acknowledge anything other than "straight" on the spectrum of sexual identity.  But recognizing that he's not Dick Boyfriend but awesome GBPBFF (that's gay business partner and best friend forevergreen).  Anyway, Lisa we find out grew up in Evergreen but moved away at around 8 years old as her parents were military/scientists or something, and she's going back there because it's lived long in her memory as a treasured place at Christmas.

On the only road into Evergreen, listening to jazzy Christmas tunes, Lisa comes across a vintage cherry red pickup truck that Hallmark fans will recognize as Allie's from the last movie.  It's stalled on the side of the road with the hood up and a dude trying haplessly to repair it.  Lisa gets out of her car and struts over to the truck...long slim legs in tight, tight jeans and high heels wearing a ridiculously cool purple leather jacket looking  Cindy Crawford-esque supermodel circa 1993... compared to most Hallmark movies it's like she stepped out of the future.  She's a total boss and takes control of the situation, the dude, modestly handsome, easily acquiesces to her alpha dog personality and give her the wrench.  She pretends to do something, then hops in the truck and they get that sucker started.  They exchange smiles, Merry Christmases and theoretically witty banter before heading out mutually on their way into town.
 

It's not a great meet-cute, but great at establishing Lisa as a woman who takes charge.  And she steps into Evergreen and over the next 80 minutes makes that town her bitch.

She gets into town, parks on the main street (which has never looked like an actual driveable street but a closed off pedestrian market, but I digress) right in front of the Chris Kringle Cafe, you know Allie's parent's place from the first Evergreen.  Then she turns around to see the shuttered Daisy's General Store... woooooah FLASHBACK (!) We see Lisa as a little girl, super sad to be leaving Evergreen, getting help from Daisy at Daisy's General Store with writing a letter to Santa.  This town has a magic wishing snow globe and a magic letters-to-Santa box.  You guys, this place is magic.  Her wish from Santa is to have Christmas in Evergreen every year, but Daisy helps change it to she wishes to have Christmas like it is in Evergreen every year, that way she can take Evergreen wherever she goes.

Present day, Allie's Hot Mom tells Lisa that Daisy's store closed a little over a year ago and that Daisy just died!  She's dead!  Just dropping death on us in minute 10.  That's, like, a real bummer, man.  Hot mom and Lisa make friends as Lisa reacquaints herself with town, and Kevin arrives in Allie's truck delivering vegetables and he and Lisa get a formal introduction.  They depart again as Lisa checks into her B&B, where Kevin just happens to be dropping off a Christmas tree.  Wow, three meet cutes.

Just before dinner, Lisa heads back into town to reminisce about Daisy's General Store (another flashback with sweet Daisy telling little Lisa that Santa knows exactly where she is).  At the Cafe, Hot Mom seats Lisa with Mayor Ezra and Allie's BFF Michelle and they talk about Daisy's store, how they're having difficulty finding a buyer since it's in such disrepair (a freaking cross-beam fell down...that place isn't structurally sound), and they're trying to stave off big franchise retailers from entering town.  Ezra owns the place for now, but the bank is about to repossess if it doesn't get sold in the next month.  Allie, with the skillz to pay the billz, says she can whip that place into selling shape by staging it...all she needs is a contractor to help her with pretty much everything.  And the only contractor in town: Kevin, of course.

You guys, Evergreen IS magic.  Look how that cross beam crashed
through that display case without breaking the top. A Christmas miracle
(or inept set designer)

Both Kevin and Lisa are transient folks, they don't like to get tied down.  They both have jobs that take them different places where they only stay for a short time.  For Lisa it's because she moved around so much that it's sort of the lifestyle she's used to.  For Kevin it's been about avoiding his dad who he's not had the best relationship with since his mom died (when he was 8!). He's got firm ties to Evergreen compared to Lisa's loose ones, but he finds it painful being there.

They get to work on Daisy's General Store and, I guess, get closer? (As the script dictates they do).  Honestly, there's a lot of pleasant exchanges but no real chemistry between them.  I mean one morning Lisa and Allie's Dad shame Kevin into adding whip cream and caramel to his coffee, which he just wanted black (He doesn't want  hot chocolate? SHAME!SHAME!SHAME!).  Straight up coffee shamed him.  Who does that?  It's not festive, it's abuse.  What if he's diabetic?

Meanwhile Hannah (whose shallow meet-cute with a guy wearing the same sweater as her at the Christmas Festival --which was held at Kevin's dad's barn, IIRC -- seems to have turned out to be nothing more than hot chocolate) has her brother and nephew visiting town.  Hot Mom immediately sets up the only other black woman in town with the only black guy to come to town, and so we get a very weak secondary love story between Hannah's brother Thomas and Michelle (to be fair to Hallmark, though, secondary love stories in their movies are always pretty weak).  Hannah and her nephew, meanwhile, spend the entire movie looking for the right place in town to fit an old skeleton key.  The nephew tries jamming this monstrous key into modern deadbolt locks.  Something's wrong with that kid.  I think it's the script and the fact they got a 13-year-old mid-pubescent boy to play a role meant for a 6-year-old.

not even close to fitting dumdum

While cleaning up the old store, Lisa finds Daisy's letters to Santa box.  She brings it over to the cafe where her and Hot Mom discover what looks like a very old letter.  They open it to find that it's a letter from K.M., age 8, the year his mom died.  He wished that they could have Christmas like they used to with the candles and the carols and the bells.  Poor boy, never got his wish.  But who is K.M.?  Well, Kevin, of course.  Anyway...

Later Lisa is checking out the old ...church? shed? churchshed... where the town places all their homemade arts and crafts prior to the Christmas Festival's arts and crafts sale.  While inside Hannah's nephew notices the bells, which Kevin notes haven't worked in decades and his dad spent years trying to fix to no avail, nobody knows what's wrong with the mechanism (I'm guessing it's missing a key, but whatever).  He also lets slip that his mom used to organize the Christmas festival before she died and Daisy took over (and then at some point Allie took over and now Michelle...this timeline isn't totally working out).

Over cookie making with Thomas and Michelle and Hannah and her nephew (and Jazzy jingle bells montage...jeez), Thomas lets drop that he's been trying to hire Kevin for his logging company and he's expanding, and is waiting for Kevin's response on a foreman offer.  Just as cookie baking is done, the beam is up and secured, but there's a new problem, there's a hole in the bookshelf from the crossbeam which both Kevin and Lisa are mistaking as a pipe-bearing wall for some reason.  They have a little spat which is interrupted by Ezra, noting that a potential buyer is on the way and they need to get shit together fast.  "If you just want to get started on the wall, I'll get started on the shelves" Lisa commands, to which Kevin starts...sweeping.  Uh, Kev?  I'm beginning to suspect that you're not so great at this contractor stuff.

Yep, totally looks like that huge beam, in making that small hole
under those shelves totally could have damaged some pipes.
I'm not sure you're good at your job, Kevin.  It's never mentioned
again so I guess it was fine.

Then instead of working more on the place, they go shopping for the perfect tree at Kevin's dad's farm, then they decorate the tree out front and talk about Kevin's dad and their transient lifestyles and how settling down sucks so hard.  They touch hands and smile all goofy.  Then Michell, Thomas, Hannah and her nephew show up, and decide to help out with decorating the tree and the store.  Thomas lifts his seriously too big son up to put a hat (!) on the tree ("I'm seriously too big" he says after being lifted), then runs by some new plans by Kevin, namely that he's planning on opening up a new logging thing near Evergreen.  You know what makes for beautiful scenic terrain for a Christmas town? Clearcut logging.

The buyer shows up and looks over the place but decides not to purchase, dashing the hopes of the whole town.  Meanwhile Kevin learns about the letter, gets very emotional, and runs out, leaving Lisa worried.  Lisa makes a wish on the snow globe to come up with an idea to help sell Daisy's store.  David's letter ("Wow, that snow globe works fast.") In order to spice up the town for the next buyer coming through, they decide to ramp up the Christmas Festival by making it like it used to be, back when Kevin's dead mom did it...with the bells and candles and carols.

The next day, Kevin, back from his emotional breakdown, is keen to help reinstate the old traditions but those bells will be a problem (even Nick -- who it turns out isn't *really* Santa despite the impression we were given in the previous movie -- gives Hannah's nephew a clue that it's for the flipping bells!)  Kevin brings his dad in to work on this futile, maddening task once more.  Lisa meanwhile comes up with an idea on how to merchandise the store...sell all the town's arts and crafts shit in there.

Complications in the Kevin/Lisa pair bonding...Oliver shows up in town, with the suggestion of bringing Polly in to look at the store. Kevin, narrow-minded small-town boy he is, gets the wrong idea about Lisa and Oliver's relationship.  Lisa cotton's onto Kevin's stupidity and entices him to go skating with them. Oliver it turns out is a bronze medal figure skater (that's Hallmark code for "gay"), and Lisa outright tells Kevin he's an idiot and that Oliver is just her best friend.

Meanwhile Thomas is out skating and Allie's dad (there selling hot chocolate of course) shouts to him "Looking good, David."  Thomas smiles and waves off this microaggression... but it's not okay. Meanwhile Hanna says to Michelle "I'm really glad you and my brother seem to be getting closer."  She almost sells it.  Michelle says, "Yeah...you sure?  I mean, it's not like weird or anything for you?"  Remember, I suspected that in the last movie Hannah had the hots for Michelle and Michelle is just kind of oblivious.  "Why would it be weird?  I've never see you this happy."  That's how much Hannah loves Michelle, she cares only about her happiness.  Plus if she gets with her brother, it keeps her close to her.

NOT DAVID!
I can't tell, but Thomas may be flipping the old man off right here.

Honestly, the shot of the skating pond with the bridge all covered in Christmas lights is probably the most beautiful establishing shot in any Hallmark movie, and that bridge looks awesome.  Montage to "Jazzy Christmas music" of skating, leading to store decorating, to bells fixing, to chats in front of the fire, to a whole bunch of working and falling in love.

Actually, on freeze frame I can see how fake this is.

But seriously, the bridge looks awesome.

Allie comes back from wherever she was for Christmas to serve no narrative purpose except to tell Kevin that her and Ryan (from the last movie) took almost ten months to get settled together but for the right person any waiting is worth it.

Thomas and Michelle actually have a very sweet conversation in a closet (wait, is that a metaphor for Michelle?) when Polly shows up and she's is just so excited by everything.  "Oh Lisa this store this store is absolutely gorgeous I love it look at these gorgeous pillows they must've been hand-done what a cute touch I lo... and look! That's beautiful those nutcrackers are all lined up and ready to go oh my goodness and you got the maple syrup, which I love, oh everything is just...it's exquisite I just love it the way you mixed the antique items with the new items, it's very smart...."
Despite her excitement, Polly doesn't buy the store.  I think her cocaine problem has taken a toll on her finances, quite frankly.  She actually came to offer Oliver and Lisa jobs helping her expand, over time becoming co-owners and eventually having their own store.  There's something very flawed about this plan.  I think she's trying to grift some money out of them to fuel her coke problem.

Kevin, not learning his lesson from earlier, jumps to conclusions about Lisa and Oliver's plans to have their own store, and decides to leave town. But Lisa and Oliver decide to buy Daisy's with Oliver taking Polly's job and Lisa staying to run the store.  Lisa charges over to her Dad's farm to slap that idiot upside the head, again.  As they reconcile (reconciling Kevin's stupidity, that is) Hannah's nephew David FINALLY figures out where that key goes and he and Hannah get the bells going.

Oh and that note, turned out it was Kevin's dad who wrote it, on behalf of Kevin, and finding the note, and Lisa returning his mother's Christmas traditions to town, has healed their fractured relationship.  "I just wanted you to have what you asked for in the letter"
"You did.  You did. You did, son.  You did.  You both did."  I guess they did it.
 And FLASHBACK(!) it turns out that Lisa and Kevin both saw each other at Polly's store years ago when she was leaving town and Kevin's dad was putting the letter in the box.  Erm, ok.


The Draw:
I explained last time that I was curious about a Hallmark "sequel".  But rather than "sequel" lets use some comic book parlance and call it the Evergreen Annual.  Plus I wanted to see if they really did anything to follow up with Allie and Ryan (they were in Florida for Christmas at Ryan's family.  In the last movie Ryan and his daughter were going to Florida, not visit family, but to go on a cruise).

The Formulae:
The perfect tree, cookie making/baking/decorating montage, heavy emphasis on traditions, the need to save an establishment, stupid jumping to conclusions and making life decisions based off those stupid conclusions, that sort of thing.
Now the Evergreen formula is to have an opening and closing narrative sequence with a storybook, and Santa narrating.  As well the Evergreen formula has paintings of the town when returning from commercial, signifying a new page in the book.
And, of course, Evergreen is the PST (perfect small town).

Unformulae:
Honestly, as 90's and token gesture as it feels, giving Thomas and Michelle a romance seems progressive if only compared to almost every other Hallmark (that isn't about a romance between to African-American leads).  Also the coded gay BFF, again, not at all progressive by today's standards, but by Hallmark's standards, it's almost like trying.  Also really breaking the formula is all the return characters and whatnot, really giving a small town ensemble vibe to this that enriches an otherwise pedestrian Christmas romance.
Also, despite Thomas' insistence that this town really is magic, they kind of scaled back on the fantastical magic talk in this one, especially turning the possibly real Santa from the last one into just "local-old-guy-with-a-beard-Nick-who-plays-Santa" in this one.

True Calling?
It is Christmas in Evergreen, again, so that parts OK.  It should more be "Letter to Santa" rather than the plural "Letters to Santa" but regardless, it does paint a somewhat more accurate portrayal of what's possibly going on here.

The Rewind:
Did Allie's dad really get the only two black dudes in town confused?  And the one black dude is the other black dude's father and, like, twice the size of him?   Jeeeeeezuuuuus wept!

The Regulars:
Jill Wagner is one of Hallmark's princesses.  Christmas Wishes and Mistletoe Kisses this year, Christmas Cookies back in 2016 and a couple more even before that, plus four entries in Hallmark's Mystery 101 series this year.  Wagner took a bit to grow on me, the opening 10 minutes were pretty rough.  But I love her tough, take-charge attitude and she doesn't mince about when she's feeling emotional, she confronts those emotions head on.  Kind of refreshing and modern.  I liked her look coming into town, but she eventually started to look more and more Evergreen as the film progressed.
Also, Wagner is kind of a dead ringer for a younger Meredith Vieira which threw me off for almost the entire film until I figured it out (I thought at first maybe she was Lindsay Wagner's daughter and that what I was seeing in her).

Seriously, that's not the same person?

Mark Declan has only been in one other non-Evergreen Hallmark, that being the 2017 non-classic Switched for Christmas with Candice Cameron-Bure.  He's ok.

And then, yeah, a whole cast of characters returning from the last Evergreen, plus countless appearances in other Hallmarks.  I won't get into each one, but this one is almost all familiar faces.


How does it Hallmark?
I found this to be a bit tedious and a lot ridiculous, with too much going on and all of it predictable.  It would probably sit just above middle of the pack, so still better than most.   The Christmas Jazz certainly stood out when compared to other Hallmarks, but it was also awful synth Jazz, so painful.

How does it movie?
Nope, it doesn't movie at all.  It's like an overly extended 80's sit com episode where they try to do something bigger and less funny than they usually do.  It's overly ambitious (or perhaps not really ambitious enough).

How does it snow?
I had a hard time with this one.  There seemed to be a lot of real snow around.  There was definitely ice for skating on which had to be real.  Nobody wore scarves and I couldn't see anyone's breath so it couldn't have been too cold.  Mid-spring somewhere perhaps with a lot of chipped ice for snow to add to existing unmelted ground cover, maybe?  Nope, upon reinspection, a lot of batting and CGI snow, and I think that rink is just a composited shot of an indoor rink made up to look like an outdoor set.

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 20

Christmas at the Plaza, 2019, Ron Oliver (Angel of Christmas) -- download

OK, look at that previously-directed. That should have been a hint, right? Prepare for the horror? But honestly, this was a middling movie at worst, nothing horror filled, nothing rage inducing, besides the Peanut Gallery shouting out things randomly like my grandmother watching Lawrence Welk. And it actually had a sweet moment that made me tear up. OK, it was after most of a bottle of tripel, so I was already emotional.

Jessica Cooper (Elizabeth Henstridge, Marvel's Agents of SHIELD) is hired by the Plaza Hotel to decorate one of their rooms in an Xmas themed, historical Plaza focused array. They want museum meets art gallery meets Xmas Event. By "they" we mean Ms. Clark, (don't call her Amanda, Kenny!) who gets the role of Dick Boss for this movie. Jessica will be working alongside the handy guy whose ladder she stole when first walking in. Nick (Ryan Paevey, Harvest Love) is actually the hired decorator, some sort of job that is a mix of holiday designer, handyman who strings up lights and in charge of ALL the Xmas themed decorations in the Plaza, including those massive trees.

Jessica is a history person from the local university where her Dick Boyfriend also works. Nick runs his own Xmas decorating business, which I cannot imagine surviving the entire year in NYC considering it seems like just him and a truck. The Peanut Gallery pointed out that he likely would have been the owner of a interior decorating company, but that was not manly-man enough for the Male Lead, so he comes off more like the Plaza custodian assigned the job of putting up trees. Despite some initial, as required take-a-shot tension, Jessica is almost immediately making moon-eyes at Nick, who also almost immediately returns them.

Jessica, who Henstridge plays with a terrible (TERRIBLE!) American accent ("whiiir to begin"), is challenged by her task until she catches on that the Plaza does a unique Xmas tree topper for their main tree, every year since they opened. Oh, sorry, Final Dabra (d'arbre, actually) "A what?" "A tree topper!" -- I believe we hear that phrase about five times. She dives right into the theme but is stumped by the lack of one in 1969. Nobody knows why, not even Maybe Magic Santa, Grampa Bellboy (Bruce Davison, X-Men) who is the old, wise man of the Plaza who encourages Jessica at her task.

Meanwhile Jessica is challenged by her Dick BF not actually showing any signs of marrying her. Jessica's Best Friend believes she should be meeting his parents by now. Alas, he is a snobby academic surrounded by other snobby academics, that she doesn't feel very at home with. So, one night after a disastrous party, she ends up back at the Plaza and bumps into Nick, and then ends up back at Nick's parents place. Peanut Gallery stated nobody would hang icicle lights professionally without attaching weights to them, so maybe he isn't such a good decorator after all. BUT he has a big Italian family with silly, fun Xmas themed parties, such as wrapping gifts for charity and horrible karaoke. Jessica loves this, and Nick is actually honest that he is trying to make a play for her. But they acknowledge, she has a boyfriend, and that's a no no.

Then comes the subplot, the story of Grampa Bellboy being the original creator of many of those Final D'arbre ("the what?!?!" tree toppers!) that adorned the Plaza trees. But after a tragic love that is lost, he abandons his art and ends up the lowly bellboy, which he retains even fifty years later. To be honest, I assumed he was the owner of the Plaza playing the Magic Santa, but no, he is just a sad, sweet story. He doesn't really want to dig up that part of his past, but after hearing how Dick Boss threatens Jessica if she doesn't complete The Story, he heads back to his workbench, and with with the help of the elves (OK, I added that part) he completes that 1969 Finial D'arbre ("The whaaaaat?!?!") and sends it off to Jessica.

Thus comes the Xmas Event, but (booooooo!) no Red Dress on Jessica, but she does have a great success, and ... well, this little bit actually brought a tear to my eye, and made me forget the leads, but Grampa Bellboy, who was driven away from the Love of His Life back in '69 is approached by a sweet old lady who, well who else could it be, is his True Love. And we know where that will go. Ahhh Old People in Love.  Swooon.

Oh yeah, and Jessica breaks up with Dick BF and gets together with Nick. And they Christmas'd Happily Ever After. THAT ! They actually wrote that at the end of the movie. Hee.

The Draw: Elizabeth Henstridge really, and also because it was actually one of the 2019 roster of actual Hallmark movies.

The Formulae: NYC opening flyover, decently done with a classic Xmas song. Initial meeting with misconception and tension, which TBH, is not my favorite trope for these movies. Don't try and start a thing between people by showing how big of dicks they can be. There is no real Xmas Fair, but there are chestnuts roasted, on the streets of NYC. Which was played by Winnipeg of all places, and ... didn't have any snow? They must have shot it off season. There is a Hunting of the Xmas Tree, which is supposed to be the Perfect Real Tree, but is sooooo obviously a fake one. And there is an Xmas Event, alas not a dance event, and no Red Dress. Also, Nick was Dumped around Xmas Time, but that plays so little in the movie.

Unformulae: Booooooo, no Red Dress.

True Calling? The movie is shot in Winnipeg and NYC. As all exterior shots, and other building interiors must have been Winnipeg, I am thinking the only real NYC scenes were the steps of the Plaza. So, yes?

The Rewind: Final D'arbre! The whaaaaat? The tree topper.

The Regulars: Oh, Paevey is in a TON of these movies, when he is not doing soap operas. And nobody else. In fact, other than Bruce Davison and Julia Duffy (Newhart), there is almost no Real Actors in this movie. There are so many local talents, and sorry but Winnipeg is no Vancouver, I was wondering if they spent all their money on the few front-steps shots at the Plaza.

How does it Hallmark? It is pretty typical, but the speed at which these two were making mooneyes (in case you were wondering, my brain made this phrase up; I probably meant "cow eyes" but in for a penny...) at each other, in another movie, there would have been the Waking Up In Bed Together After Drunken Night scene.

How does it movie? Nope, nada. Nuttin honey.

(Bonus) How does it snow? Booooooo !!! Considering this was shot in Winnipeg, there should have been TONS of real snow. Alas.... all we got was some fake spray on, TONS of Central Park stock film shots filled with real snow, and a bit of the cob webby stuff. (D-)

A PREAMBLE TO Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

As I write this I'm 4 hours from my showtime.  I've never been more anxious about a Star Wars film in my life of Star Wars fandom. Trying as hard as I might, I still could not avoid seeing trailers, posters and, worst of all, review headlines, none of which have eased my anxiety at all.  Even by comparison to Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, where I had resigned myself to the dodgy status of the prequels, I was just ready for it to be over, hoping for some semblance of a turnaround.  I took what I could from RotS and enjoyed it for what it was, warts and all.

The difference between Episode III and Episode IX however is that this isn't one person's vision for Star Wars.  This isn't one person's plan of action.  As such we enter into a conclusion to a Saga that is more guesswork than planning.  Not that George Lucas ever really had a plan, mind you, and it's not like the proposed sequel trilogy Lucas had sketched out sounded at all like anything anyone wanted to see.

I love Episode VIII, but I understand those who don't like it (ignoring the trolls, who are 95% Russian bots we now know).  You didn't get what you wanted out of it.  Perhaps you missed that that was the point, and if you didn't then maybe you see it as a slap in the face.  I said of The Last Jedi:

To be honest I was wondering if The Last Jedi was going to flame me out on Star Wars, too samey-samey, repeating patterns, but it's done the opposite. It's reinvigorated my fandom, made me see that what's still ahead of me is the possibility of surprise.

I was still very excited for the potential of Star Wars until Star Wars Celebration 2019 when they revealed the title of the film, Rise of Skywalker, and the trailer which indicated Emperor Palpatine was returning.  My gut sank.  Rather than take the gift Johnson had given them, the liberation and freedom to move forward, the film seems to be circling back upon itself, an ouroboros. 

The problem was, The Last Jedi divided audiences the way everything divides everyone these days.  Rise of Skywalker from it's title and first trailer obviously is an attempt to appeal to everyone, and, as the adage goes, an attempt to appeal to everyone appeals to no one. 

Say what you will about Episode VIII, it's a fairly singular vision.  It's Star Wars as filtered through Rian Johnson's lens.  I'm sure there was a bit of workshopping with Lucasfilm in the script writing process, but it's not a film-by-committee, and it's daring, risky...the sheer fact it pissed off so many people is testament to that.  But Rise of Skywalker is most certainly a film-by-committee.  The very thing the trolls (wrongfully) complained about The Last Jedi being, the Rise of Skywalker actually is.  It's a film that has a need to satisfy many things - it needs to wrap up this new trilogy, but it also needs to wrap up the nonology, and it needs to also try to reinstate trust in a Lucas-free Star Wars brand with as many people as possible, and it needs to make a ton of money and keep people excited for theme parks, comics, books, tv shows, video games and more. Of course it's going to be done by committee.  It's honestly too much to ask of a single film, and those review headlines I've been trying not to read seem to bear the ugly fruit of truth, that it's unsuccessful in doing so.

The thing I'm most anxious about Rise of Skywalker isn't the possible disappointment, though.  It's the trolls getting back to it online, damning the "Disney era", calling for Kathleen Kennedy's head, the bullshit "go woke/go broke" statements cowardly little alt-righters will chant.  They're a disease on the internet, a rash of negativity that you can't scratch away because it too deep rooted in the tissue.  That rash has nowhere to go, nothing else to do but sit and wait to aggravate you, waiting to push forth to the surface and spew their vile pus out into the world.  You can try to ignore it, but the itch will persist.  Hrm, maybe it's just my eczema talking. 

Regardless of what happens with Episode IX, Star Wars is still fine.  The Mandalorian is great and uniformly well received ("Baby Yoda" the breakout pop culture sensation of 2019), the Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order video game seems to be going over well, and the comics and books continue to move along with varying levels of quality as they always have for the small subset of consumers who enjoy them.  We have more Clone Wars coming, more mini-series enhancing Rogue One and bringing Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan Kenobi back.  You can possibly make a case that they've done Han, Luke and Leia a disservice, but you can't really say that Disney has completely mishandled Star Wars.  I think at this point they've delivered something new to the Star Wars universe for everyone, it's just that at this stage, with multi-generations of fandom coming into Star Wars from different angles, it's going to be hard for fans to agree on any single thing because of what appeals to them and why.  

That's what needs to be remembered, and considered by Disney going forward.  Not all Star Wars needs to be for all Star Wars fans.

On with the show.

T&K's Xmas Advent Calendar: Day 19

A Toast to Hallmarkent
The Christmas Club (2019, Hallmark)

 
Definition:
According to Investopedia: "A Christmas club is a type of savings account in which depositors make routine contributions throughout the year. The accumulated savings are then withdrawn at the end of the year to provide funds for Christmas shopping."



The Story:
Minneapolis, Minnesota (or... Toronto)

JulietteOlivia is a dance teacher, widow and single mother.  She loves dance,  she loves her daughter Maeryn, she loves her studio, she loves her co-worker Carrie and her boss, she loves Christmas, and she loves life, but she's pretty much given up on love.  Her boss is undergoing surgery soon and JulietteOlivia wishes she could feel like she used to. Carrie advises JulietteOlivia to "make it an official Christmas wish".
"I think you're confusing Christmas with birthdays," JulietteOlivia says with a chuckle.
"No, it's a thing," Carrie says, smiling. 
JulietteOlivia uses her wish on her boss, and Carrie then chides her for always thinking of others and not herself.  So Carrie, makes her Christmas wish on behalf of JulietteOlivia, to find a man - dark hair, blue eyes, great sense of humour, who is very good with kids.
"Mmm, you're Jewish," JulietteOlivia says.
"It's symbolic, and Santa knows I'm a big fan."
(Look, I know Hallmark is all about selling Christmas as a non-secular holiday for everyone, but the fact is they seem to forget that it's heavily rooted in Christian symbology and that people of other faiths don't necessarily partake in the holiday for that reason.  They know Christmas things through heavy overexposuer, but they have their own faith and traditions.  Hallmark seems very insistent that everyone of every background must be into Christmas because it's so awesome.)


Edward (dark hair, blue eyes, great sense of humour and great with kids) is a business advisor, helping new business gain the tools they need to succeed.  His job means a lot of travel and no real fixed location to call home (he has a condo in New York but he's never there).  The wealthy, handsome hobo. He had a particularly nasty breakup which he still hasn't really recovered from, and his parents didn't make Christmas a very joyous occasion.  He's no grinch, mind you, just not very festive. He's in Minneapolis pre-Christmas helping a client and visiting his sister Beth's family and spending time with his nephew Connor.

JulietteOlivia leaves work to buy Carrie a belated first day of Hanukkah present, while Edward is going to (or coming from) a client meeting.  She's walking one direction down Front Street, while Edward is walking down the other side of front street, and just as they're about to cross paths, a kindly old lady decides to stop in front of a toy store and count her Christmas Club cash which gets picked up by the wind and carried away.  She starts having a panic attack so JulietteOlivia and Edward bring her inside the toy store to help calm her down and listen to her "poor old lady" sob story.  Edward and JulietteOlivia step outside to find the money but concede immediately.  They both agree to chip in two $20 bills which they both happen to have on them (FATE!), although JulietteOlivia needs to reassure Edward that it's not a scam.  Back inside, in the film's low point, Edward and JulietteOlivia keep pushing off the "great story" about how they found Gertrude's money.   She is grateful, but also seemingly dismissive of the bullshit story they eventually concoct. (If Gertrude's demeanor throughout this thing makes it seem like a shtick, wait for it...)

Oh noo.

JulietteOlivia and Edward, in this meeting are really hitting it off.  JulietteOlivia is bright and bubbly and Edward, while maybe a bit suspect of old ladies and Christmas, is very easy-going and witty.  These two just effuse charm effortlessly.  They decide to walk together and wind up in the city's Christmas Village, clearly enjoying each other's company.  They go to a roasted pecan vendor and remember they gave all their cash to Gertrude, and awkwardly explain the story.  The vedor takes pity on them, not because of their story, but because he enjoys fostering new love, to which they both balk. 

They sit on a swing and talk.  It's utterly charming and they are lovely together.  But they depart without exchanging contact info and both immediately regret it.

At one point Olivia runs into Gertrude at the Christmas Festival and asks her
"What are you doing here?" She says "...My husband works here."  If she is
Mrs. Claus, I like to think that this is her husband.  Best Santa ever.

Back at the dance studio JulietteOlivia learns that the owner is going to sell the business (and I guess the space as well?) and is hoping to do it before she goes in for surgery just after Christmas, because she doesn't think she could handle it while recovering.  This means the big Christmas recital JulietteOlivia and Carrie have been working on with the kids may be cancelled.  She's crestfallen.  She loves her boss, she loves the freedom her studio gives her, she loves the space they're in, she loves the kids and the recital...and now all of it's going away, or at least changing.  My immediate thought - hey why not start your own studio and hire Edward to help get it up and running?  She leaves to go pick up Maeryn and catches a cab.  The previous rider gives the cabbie a $10 tip on a $10 ride ("That's found money.  That 20 practically flew into my hands.")  Just as JulietteOlivia is getting in the cab Edward spies her down the street but is too late to catch up to her.

At home, over eggnog, JulietteOlivia has bittersweet feelings to relate to her mom.  She's met a nice man, but didn't get his contact, and is still pretty walled off from the idea of dating especially since Edward doesn't live in Minneapolis.  Mom tells her it's time for her to give it a shot.  But JulietteOlivia confesses she's feeling terrible about losing her job, and everything she's built. She just wants things to stay the same. Her mom reassures her she will figure it out.  JulietteOlivia just wants to drink more eggnog.
Over at Edward's sister's home, he's warming up to Christmas.

The next day JulietteOlivia and Maeryn go to the Christmas Festival where she happens to run into Edward who is there with his sister's family.  Edward introduces JulietteOlivia to his family (his sister, Beth, is so very excited to meet her), noting "this is the woman who helped me with Gertrude yesterday".  Smash cut to Gertrude peeking out from behind a fibreglass Santa sitting on a bench.  

Quit creeping, Gertrude!

Guys, Gertrude is Santa! ("No," I hear you say, "Gertrude is Mrs. Clause" and to that I say, "Don't be sexist.").  Some walking and talking in the park, Edward learns JulietteOlivia is a widowed mother and is more than okay with it.  But Maeryn asks her mom to go do a huge mural on "Camden Street" (Front Street again) and they depart, but sister Beth is keen to play matchmaker and encourages the whole family to go over, talking Edward through his anxieties around dating and Christmas while Gertrude looks on.

QUIT CREEPING, GERTRUDE!

The mural leads to ridiculous hot cocoa with whip cream all over Edwards face (which he does to entertain the kids...he's great with the children!!) and then back to the festival to see Santa! But Edward has to go to work to show his client Greg some spaces in town.  He asks JulietteOlivia if he can give her his number and he writes it down on a napkin.  Notes from Graig's playbook:  giving a girl your number instead of asking her for hers is a coward's move putting all the onus on her.  You ask for hers and then give her yours. If you give her yours she's going to subconsciously judge you and probably not make the move...he said from experience.  Also, it's modern times, you don't write it down, you put it in your phone... because kids spill hot chocolate and use napkins to wipe it up making phone numbers written on napkins illegible.  Oh no.

Three days later at that same toy store, Beth is a bit anxious that JulietteOlivia hasn't called and Edward is self deprecating (questioning why she would even consider dating a "human tumbleweed").  Beth  is rather upset that he didn't get her number.  "I wanted it to be her decision, I was trying to be a gentlemen."
Beth fails to call him out on her cowardice.
JulietteOlivia needs to find a gift for Maeryn and heads over to the very same toy store.  Both Beth and JulietteOlivia hear the clerk pass along a found $20 to a customer who can't afford a specific gift for their kid.  They run into each other, and Beth does what Edward couldn't and gives and receives phone numbers.
JulietteOlivia returns to the studio while Beth texts Edward, who tells Greg to go get lunch then literally runs over to JulietteOlivia's location.  It's freaking adorable.  They're so cute together
BUT Greg followed Edward and falls immediately in love with the dance studio space.  It's bad timing for JulietteOlivia, but perfect for Greg's needs.  The mere thought of the studio leaving sends Olivia into a spiral and she lashes out at Edward, but Edward, being good at his job, recognizes both the opportunity for his client, Greg, and for JulietteOlivia.  He seeds the idea of JulietteOlivia starting her own space and helping her get up and running. Called it!  "I'm not going to let you fail on this" he said, "and who knows, maybe your boss isn't even going to accept the first offer anyway." Greg immediately steps out, shouting triumphantly "She accepted the offer!" (Edward, under his breath, "Really, are you kidding me right now?")

"Good Timing Greg" we like to call him...

Destpite the awkwardness earlier in the day, JulietteOlivia, Maeryn, and mom go to the Christmas Festival tree lighting where Beth and family are joining them.  JulietteOlivia introduces Edward to Mom who immediately sizes him up and starts using her sultry voice.  Mom approves.
Maeryn wants to hang out with the other kids up front, but JulietteOlivia just wants to hold her hand.
JulietteOlivia (to Mom) "Pretty soon she's not going to want to hold my hand at all."
Mom (lifting up their held hands and kissing JulietteOlivia's glove) "And then, some day, she will again."
Mom's great.  Edward is standing by during this whole conversation reaches down during the tree lighting countdown and holds her hand.  They both grin sweetly.
While looking at all the store front lighting (the mural is coming together, it's starting to look like a picture of Santa and Mrs Claus but their faces incomplete).  Edward spies a vacant storefront that he pegs as perfect for the studio and JulietteOlivia starts to dream.  Edward explains that even if she did try, and fail, she would be back exactly in the same position she's in now, so what's there to lose.

The next day, Edward and JulietteOlivia start working on the plans for the business over a walk and lunch.  Of course they wind up back at the Christmas Village, and get hot dogs (erm, ho-ho-ho dogs) from the same vendor who gave them the free pecans a few days ago.  Edward gives him a 20 and tells him to put it towards the next person who comes.  The vendor mentions someone doing the same thing a few days ago with a $20 bill they found.  Another of Gertrude's bills!  Time for a carriage ride, and snuggling under a blanket, making it Edwards "all-time best business meeting".  (Meanwhile Gertrude continues creeping)

ACH! IT'S GERTRUDE! RIDE! RIDE!

Then to JulietteOlivia's home where Maeryn invites Edward to help make cookies (and drink eggnog) with and Mom.  Montage! Edward's finally understanding the appeal of Christmas, and kisses JulietteOlivia on the cheek goodnight.  Now that's a move from the Graig playbook.

5 days before Christmas, the loan is still pending, but waiting is the worst part.  But insurance won't let them hold the dance recital in the old space and the loan probably isn't close on the new space until after Christmas.  The next day JulietteOlivia finds out the loan clears and they can use the space for the recital, so she excitedly goes to the bank with gift in hand for the loan officer (and a carriage ornament for Edward), only to find Edward is there.  Edward amidst to helping push the loan through when she had said to him she wanted to do it for herself, and she starts to spiral, pushing him away.

But Mom and Carrie and Beth aren't as ready to give up as these two are, and at the Christmas dance recital (which is earnestly very cute) they reunite, with a little hint of intervention from Gertrude, who, if the now-complete Christmas mural is correct, is Mrs. Claus.  Christmas magic, with a little bit of letting go of old traumas.  This was a damn sweet movie.

Hey, the mural's done and in it...Gertrude is Mrs. Claus!!!

And in case you forgot what Gertrude looked like, here she is...STILL CREEPING!

The Draw:
Oh, JulietteElizabeth Mitchell, to be sure.  I loved Juliette on Lost, in case you hadn't noticed.

Umm..Hi *swoon*

The Formulae:
There's a few bits of the formula here.  Widowed mother, dude who is closed off to Christmas, a Christmas Market/Fair/Festival, cookie baking montage, a business expert using their business expertise to help someone with their business, the sudden (irrational) complication, and the bit of Christmas fantasy/twist ending.

Unformulae:
Usually the bit of Christmas fantasy is Santa getting in on the action, turns out Gertrude was Mrs. Claus all along.

It felt like all the pieces fit here, like a puzzle (or Christmas mural).  Where so often in these Hallmark movies they have to force the pieces together, they seemed to fall into place rather naturally.

The Christmas Mural was new, and a neat idea (though it seemed to take an awful long time for the community to complete this mural).  I also liked the time early on spent on the swinging bench in the Christmas Festival.  I don't think I've ever seen a swinging bench in one of these before and it does create a nice sense of intimacy. Two strangers having to move in sync with one another to make the swing work.  It was great for establishing their connection, and shot well.

I think that JulietteOlivia's reservations about Edward were going to be there no matter what, but his transient lifestyle meant he wasn't settled down and that he was going away, and it gave her something to focus on in keeping her guard up.  That she had her Mother and Carrie and her boss and her daughter and even Gertrude and Beth pushing her towards Edward may seem like a lot, but mostly it was just people reminding her to be open and to try.  This is mirrored by accepting the idea of starting her own dance studio.  She just doesn't think she's able but she's able to envision it far more clearly and far more rapidly than being in love, despite how good, and easy, it is with Edward.

I also like how Edward had his own hangups which seemed just as genuine, dating back to childhood.

One of the aspects of Hallmark movies that is rarely done well is the 20-minutes-left complication.  They usually seem contrived, and here it's no exception, except they still manage to talk it through.  They both start to justify why things would never work between them and start to reinforce the negative patterns or beliefs in their lives.  It's not a great complication but it's handled very, very well.

True Calling?
Nah. The Christmas Club was evoking something very different in my mind...I was thinking, like, 1920's speakeasy with gangsters and molls and such.  There's only a tangential connection here.

The Rewind:
That kid playing in the "snow" which is clearly cotton batting just rolled out everywhere.  He pats the batting multiple ways into a little mound.  It's hilarious.

The Regulars:
This is JulietteElizabeth Mitchell's first ever Hallmark and she knocks it so far out the park, she never needs to do another one. She's bubbly, sweet, funny, adorable, alluring, relatable and she connects with everyone she's with on screen.  Her friendship with Carrie and her boss feel important to her.  Her time with her daughter seems utterly precious.  Her time with her mother is so, so great.  And her scenes with Edward are just magnificent.  They make an amazing on screen couple, wide bright smiles, playful candor that really sells, and when JulietteElizabeth Mitchell laughs, it seems real. She seemed to have a good time with this.  And I had a good time watching her have a good time. *crush*

Cameron Matheson has a pile of Hallmarks under his belt so this could easily be old-hat/sleepwalking territory for him.  But Matheson connects with Mitchell, and she seems to be elevating everyone.  Matheson likewise connects with the kids very, very well and Jenny Pudavick as his sister seems like a real familial connection.  Plus, he's legitimately funny in delivering his lines.  My wife and I were expecting to hate him, but within mere minutes were were putty in Matheson's hands.  Very, very charming.

Canadian character actor Pudavick is great as Beth.  She wants the best for her brother and she is eager to make it happen.  It's a solid supporting role, and she nails it with sweetness, heart and humour.  It's an excellent turn.

Carrie is played by Rachel McClaren, who has two credits on IMDB, both Xmas TV movies from this year.  One Hallmark and one Lifetime.  She's stunning and charming as well, and I could see her be easily elevated to starring status in one of these in no time.  I wonder if she's really Jewish... that would make her leading role even more intriguing (probably over on Lifetime or Netflix though)

Kate Trotter as Mom (aka Barb) puts in one of the best Mom roles in a Hallmark yet.  Usually this is a tired supporting role that has once prominent but now underutilized actresses sleepwalking through them.  But Trotter brings it and her relationship with Mitchell feels like it's lifelong.  She's so good, and what a voice.  Rrrrr.

Gertrude/Mrs. Clause is played by Gabrielle Rose.  She's also been in a pile of Hallmarks.  If anyone is kind of sleepwalking here, it's Rose, since she has the most menial job in the film of pretending to be a poor, doddering old lady, and of making it look like she was pretending.

How does it Hallmark? Oh, so good.  I mean, this is works through the Hallmark formulae but takes it to the next level.  It's elevated at nearly every turn.  But most of all, it's actually funny.  More than perhaps any other Hallmark it actually feels like a rom com, where you're getting the romance and laughing along the way.  It's got some well timed comedy bits, but also Mitchell and Matheson's natural charms bring a lot of humour as is.  I don't know if some of the sweet little back-and-forths were ad-libbed but I wouldn't be surprised if they were.  There was such amazing chemistry happening on screen.  I loved this one. 

What I didn't love was the perpetuated "Gertrude" + "Christmas magic" throughout the film.  She doesn't serve any beneficial role and the idea of "Christmas magic" works better when left vague rather than trying to personify it in some creepy old lady.

How does it movie?
As fun as it is, it's still a Hallmark movie, you know?  It's not big screen worthy.  But it's still really fun, a lot more enjoyable than a lot of big screen romcoms.